Felicity Ward

I met my husband five years ago. Probably should have said that first. Soz, honey.

Please describe where you’re living this month. I’ve actually never lived in the area of Edinburgh I’m going to be. If past years are anything to go by, it will have approximately 15,000 stairs, we will be on the ninth floor, and there will be renovations happening next door for the entire festival that the owner magically “didn’t know anything about”. I will have a fireplace I can’t use in my bedroom but it will also be 700sqm and to “fill the space” the owner will have bought some awkwardly cheap furniture. Hmm, yes, I’ve always needed two hat racks, thank you. super corny but I love being on top of Arthur’s Seat. I also love all the old Victorian buildings that they’ve transformed into swimming pools.

Where can I find you at 9am, 9pm and 2am?

9am – first couple of days of the festival, up and at ’em, eating a bircher muesli and wondering why people complain about early starts when I FEEL SO ALIVE! Every other day wondering why the sun is up yet and whether I can get Uber Eats to bring me breakfast in bed, but also with an emotional support poodle and nine more hours of sleep. At 9pm I’m asking if I have time to go to the toilet before my show which is starting right now. At 2am I’m either telling myself “I’ll just watch one more episode, then it’s bedtime” or Djing at Gilded Balloon nightclub. Tell us something about you that would surprise people.

I had dead straight hair until I was 22. It’s now what you would call a “dated but persistent perm” and it’s aaaaaaaaaall natural, baby!

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Check my phone while admonishing myself for not meditating. This goes on for some time, until I have seven minutes to shower, have breakfast, pack my bag and head out to a meeting I am probably late for.

What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?

I usually get nice and snuggled into bed and then go to put on my sleeping paraphernalia (eye mask, ear plugs, mouth guard to stop me grinding my teeth), then I realise I haven’t brushed my plate so I make the unbearable choice of getting up and cleaning it, or just taking off another quarter inch from my molars.

Thanks for the interview! I’d like to buy you a drink. Where are we going and what are we drinking? We’re going to all-day breakfast, like Urban Angel; I’m getting a caffeinated coffee which I’ll regret one hour later when my nerves give me an eye twitch and I remember I “don’t respond well to coffee”.