My festival Max and Ivan

Ionlyhavetimetoseeone show in Edinburgh. Why should I go to yours? Max: Because it contains approximately 30 of the best comedians (including three of this year’s award nominees) in Edinburgh in one boozy, fourhour long package. There’s no better bang for your buck.

Now I think of it, I’ve got time to see two. What else should I definitely go to? Ivan: See our Prom Night show twice!

M: That’s literally impossible.

I: Buy two tickets!

M: That’s more possible. And then go and see Abandoman. Everyone loves Abandoman.

What are the best and worst things that have happened to you at the Edinburgh festival? M: Worst: I broke my ankle mid-show. Best: the show then won an Edinburgh Comedy Award.

I: Best! I found an egg sandwich in a bush. Worst! It gave me chlamydia. Best! It’s curable!

Please describe where you’re living this month. M: So you can rob us when we’re out? Nice try mate.

I: Flat 6a, Marchmont Terrace. There’s a spare key under the plant pot. The TV is new.

What’s your favourite place in the city and why? I: Arthur’s Seat – it’s my favourite car in Edinburgh. [produces novelty glasses and bangs a large gong] AWOOOOGAH!

Who do you most like spending time with at the festival?

I: I think we can both answer this at the same time.

M: Sure, let’s give it a go… M/I: Max!

Where can I find you at 9am, 9pm and 2am? M: What are you, my parole officer?

I: Sleeping, sleeping, down the slot machines.

M: Good God, Ivan.

I: Jealous?

Tell us something about you that would surprise people. I: I can speak six languages.

M: Ivan, it has to be true.

I: I once went to third base with my cousin at a family funeral.

M: Wow.

I: Jealous?

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

I: Have my 4pm “morning shake”.

M: It’s called masturbation, Ivan.

I: Erm, not in my commune.

What’s the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?

I: I tuck myself in.

M: I’m not even going to tell you what that act is supposed to be called. Thanks for the interview! I’d like to buy you a drink. Where are we going and what are we drinking? M: How about punch? We’ve got two different types available at our Prom Night, at our brand new, purposebuilt venue, Assembly High.

I: I’d prefer to drink from school jock Ed Gamble’s keg of beer, or principal Dara Ó Briain’s flask of “tea”.

M: Well luckily, you can do either, both, or none of the above, at Prom Night.

I: Great. Now to finish this egg sandwich.