An all-day spa treat at Fletcher’s Cottage Spa

Prepare to be spoilt rotten during a day at Fletcher’s Cottage Spa, East Lothian

The treatment

Detox and Cleanse Spa Day, £285pp for two hours and 30 minutes, plus use of the facilities, at Fletcher’s Cottage Spa, Archerfield, Dirleton.

Why go?

To live your best life as a mermaid, with an algotherapy experience at this amazing retreat.

Our spy says

I eagerly arrive at the crack of dawn, where I’m prompted to slip into fluffy slippers and sip a gingery smoothie.

Once I’ve changed into my gown in a private changing room, the day starts properly with a Voya Seaweed Bath. It takes place in one of the bath huts in their walled garden, with its swathes of French lavender.

There’s a stove burning, a sofa, classical music playing, bottles of water (apparently, this experience can make you feel thirsty) racks of soft towels and a slipper bath full of warm coppery water and hand-harvested seaweed, which is supposed to be “purifying and cleansing”. I get 30 minutes in here, with my therapist checking that I’m OK, with a knock at the door, ten minutes in.

I pull the seaweed over me and bask like a slippery seal. Once I’m out, I feel unusually energised, and ready for the next element. It’s the 45 minute Fletcher’s Got Your Back and Legs therapy in one of their treatment rooms. This involves a heavenly back scrub – left side, then right – with a lavender and sugar scrub. There’s a back massage using undulating strokes like fronds of kelp, then handfuls of warm seaweed go on top, with water tricking down my sides, and, once this is removed, my legs and flippers (sorry, feet) are pressed, rubbed and revived. Joy.

This segues into the 75 minute Indulgent Deluxe Facial Experience. Once I’ve turned over, I can hear birds singing on the stereo (or is that real ones, in their garden?), and my face is cleansed, exfoliated with ground seaweed and my skin is massaged down to my décolleté. A layer of warm wet seaweed is pressed on and my scalp is massaged. Once the leaves have been removed, the watery residue is rubbed in and a cream seals in the goodness.

Being spoilt rotten certainly makes one hungry, and a healthy bento box lunch, chosen in advance, is included. I’ve gone for the tuna version, with a tuna, coconut, mango, apple and lime mixture, plus beetroot hummus and flatbread, a superfood energy ball and loads more. I loosen the belt of my gown.

I work it off (nah) with a lounge in their new garden room (pictured), plus a steam, sauna, a read of my book, a wander in the garden and a snooze on a sofa. My skin smells earthy, and I feel suitably grounded. Before I head home, I’m given a box of Lazy Days Voya seaweed, so I can reminisce in the bath at home.

The results

Probably the best spa day I’ve ever had. I haven’t transformed into a mermaid, but I’m an extremely chilled out and happy sea slug. n

Fletcher’s Cottage Spa, Archerfield, Dirleton (01620 897580, www. fletcherscottagespa.com)