Top 10 excuses
‘Stir crazy’ Kevan Christie finds himself planning a Robin Hoodstyle raid on Edinburgh Castle with some merry men from Fife
I’ve hit the wall folks. It happens to the best of us and as we prepare to enter week seven of lockdown your trusted chronicler is chappin for stuff to write about – like a rookie dominoes player making their midweek debut in the Fife pub league. I put this down to self-isolation changing the way we’ve been thinking about things and the immediate world around us getting smaller. Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
I could go with one of the ‘lockdown lists’ that I’ve skillfully managed to avoid, but I can’t think of 10 albums I like and Rod Stewart’s Greatest Hits will blow a hole in what’s left of the street cred.
As for the “name five footballers who made you love football” request, well I couldn’t work out how to get all the pictures to fit on Facebook and, anyway, side-foot the smelling salts over here for that snorefest... yawn. The list patter has been written about anyway, no-one puts The Rats by James Herbert, in their ‘top X books you’ve read of all time” – even though this was the only ‘novel’ I saw anyone at school reading on their way to smokers’ corner. I knew this was played out when I spotted someone listing their top five cheeses on Twitter and Babybel got a mention.
I covered the strategically placed bookshelves backdrop to the Google Hingoots and the Zoomer meetings in week two of lockdown. Check.
At one point, I even contemplated breaking my golden column rule and writing about stuff I know nothing about – but no-one needs to hear another middle-aged, male columnist, give us his clunky take on the Gender Recognition Reform (Scotland) Bill. I was only a fishmonger’s daughter but I knew my plaice.
So, what have I learned during lockdown?
Well, a quick personal inventory has taught me that I probably don’t