Tennis hide the truth
aren’t allowed to play isn’t really “because” but it’s easy to see why it seemed like that once you’ve gone through their perfectly reasonable logic.
Both sports have in-built social distancing as a matter of course and in the case of tennis a wipedown of the racket and no handshakes before you head home would make for love all round.
It must be frustrating for golfers to see their courses being used by others in the pursuit of having good walks unspoiled and the like.
I wandered round a course near me the other day and was shocked to see a couple building a sandcastle in a bunker, a pipe band practising on the third tee and the Little Twinkles dance troupe being put through their paces on the 18th green.
I paused to talk to the chap riding his Penny Farthing who told me he’d been coming here since lockdown began and had found over 200 golf balls to date. Bravo.
But of course this is now about to be firmly in the past tense and in the past tense it shall remain.
Rejoice, for all of the above are being allowed from 28 May or a few days later after Oor Nicola addressed a grateful nation and announced “Scotland’s route map through and out of the crisis”. Freedom.
Ya beauty – bowlers gonna be bowling – let the games begin.
The sickening death rate from the Billy Ray Cyrus has fallen for the third week in a row and despite the all-important R number still hovering between 0.7 and one, our glorious leader has decided enough is enough and the nation needs to get back to drinking in parks.
As I write, #Thankyounicola is trending on Twitter and Sturgeon’s popularity is soaring having successfully pulled off one of the biggest PR con jobs of all time on the truly gullible.
They’ll be studying this at universities, I tell ye.
I am of course referring to the incredible notion advanced by huge swathes of mainly independence supporters that the Scottish Government has somehow handled the Covid-19 crisis well – when all the evidence points to an unmitigated disaster that has left thousands dead.
“Aye, but Westminster’s worser...” and so it goes. Unfortunately the media have been complicit in this charade.
No-one and I mean no-one has asked if spending £43m on an empty hospital that has not treated a single patient, as was revealed earlier this week, was a good idea in the case of the NHS Louisa Jordan-definitely-not-nightingale
emergency hosser in Glesga. Strictly verboten.
Oor Nicola was “absolutely delighted” with this news and as a keen bookworm was no doubt channeling the spirit of Colonel Cathcart in this Catch-22 type situation.
At least by default, it now looks like NHS Louisa will be put to good use dealing with the soon-to-be-urgent, non-urgent healthcare.
That money, a healthy chunk of change, would have been better spent providing much-needed PPE for the care homes where the full scale of the tragedy has been laid bare. Anyway, at least we’re finally being “distracted” by the testing.
In the interests of research, I went for a test at a sports centre in Glenrothes on Tuesday afternoon. The place was completely empty apart from me and four nervous-looking squaddies.
I swabbed the place where my tonsils used to live before shoving the wee stick up my nose and putting my underpants on my head.
The result came back a day later – I tested negative for Covid and positive for hypochondria. Over and out – have a gid weekend.