When contents cause discontent
Sam Wylie-harris meets interiors therapist Suzanne Roynon, who explains how we can achieve harmony with relationships in the home
Clutter means many things to many people. And what may be one person’s clean and tidy could very well be someone else’s super-messy.
But whatever side of the clutter divide you’re on, one thing’s for sure: we all own stuff that’s sentimental to us. “The average home is a sea of memories,” says Suzanne Roynon, interiors therapist and author of Welcome Home: How Stuff Makes Or Breaks Your Relationship.
“Although we’ve learned that clutter is bad for our wellbeing, most people don’t realise their possessions – not just clutter – have a much greater impact than they might think.”
If you’re single and want to be loved, or your relationship is going downhill, Roynon advises that interiors therapy can reveal the story your home is telling – and change it for the better.
“No-one likes a sneak, but your home is the biggest one you know. Thanks to coronavirus, we’ve been inviting people into our homes via Zoom and other platforms.
“Looking at places where friends and colleagues live, we’ve subconsciously made judgements based on the tiny square of information on screen… but did it cross your mind you do the same thing to yourself ?”
Indeed, our subconscious is the part of our mind which remembers things we’d rather forget, and it influences our behaviour without us being aware of it.
“Your subconscious tells you to eat chocolate during a diet, or open another bottle when it’s time to stop,” explains Roynon. “It’s incredibly powerful, and dictates your actions every single day.”
So, what has this got to do with relationships? “Quite simply, everything!” she says.
Here, Roynon – who’s worked with clients all over the world – reveals how you can create more harmony at home…
MAKE ROOM FOR LOVE
“Look around the home of a single person – male or female – and you’ll see single things everywhere. Observe the photos, art, imagery, a lamp, sole night-stand, the solitary chair at the table.
They’ve been drawn to these items, because they reflect their situation. These homes say ‘one is fun’, that you are happy alone, and you want to keep it that way.
“Taking it to another level, in the homes of singles, the wardrobe, drawers and closets are often bursting with clothes, sports gear and stuff they don’t use, need or love. There’s physically no room for anyone else to live there.
“If you desire a romantic relationship, the first thing to do is make space to welcome love into your life.”
GO PAIR SHAPED
“I’ve noticed genuinely contented couples tend to buy matching pairs. They instinctively create symmetry, which makes everything more harmonious. You can see this pair energy in happy homes, large and small.
“The funny thing is, you can easily re-frame your subconscious mind by using pair energy – it pays off twice over, by also bringing more balance in other areas of your life.”
WOBBLY CHANGES
It may sound far-fetched, but Roynon is adamant: “There’s something you aren’t seeing in your home. Even if you’re now separated or divorced, you want to identify the source before it does more damage.
“Begin by looking for changes coinciding with the wobble in the relationship. A good place to start is with new additions to the home, gifts you’ve been given, things you inherited and recently-decorated spaces. Ask yourself the story it’s telling – is it supporting your relationship? Is it describing what’s going on?”
CHEATING ART
“Where infidelity occurs, classic triggers include forgotten items. They might still be in a box unopened in a corner.
“Look for wedding mementos after a divorce, letters from past loves…
“If you put something on the wall look at it closely, is it showing a couple walking away? A fight or violence? A woman alone on a bed? Life frequently mirrors art – what is it saying about the two of you?”
Understandably, a change in physical or emotional health can have a massive impact on a couple. Roynon says that if you’re overwhelmed, depressed, feeling trapped and everything is against you, look for grey in your home.
“It drains the life from a room and energy from people. Yes, it’s glamorous and fashionable, but only a room with masses of natural sunlight can carry off a grey scheme.
“Anywhere else is going to seem bleak and listless. Sound familiar? No-one wants to be a grey man or woman, it reflects in your life and your complexion.”
WALLS OF HEARTACHE
“In practical terms, check your home for evidence of depleted resources, damage from leaks or a dripping tap – get them fixed. If you live surrounded by broken items or threadbare clothes, you suggest you aren’t worthy of money, love or anything better.
“It’s time to upgrade your thinking and improve your outcome… you deserve the story your home tells, to be one of love and connection, rather than heartache.”
“If you desire a romantic relationship, the first thing to do is make space to welcome love into your life”