Of course Middle needs my help, doesn’t he?

Middle’s moving house and I’m not able to get in there and help him which is piling on the guilt. “He can manage fine,” says Youngest, barely looking up from her ‘ gramming. “Just because he’s not asking for help doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it,” I say.

“Probably does,” she says. “Yeah, he’s on it,” says Eldest.

“Nonsense.”

“Sometimes when people say to you, leave us alone, you’re smothering us, it means leave us alone you’re smothering us,” says Youngest.

“Hmph. Just because someone’s travelled alone to Australia and driven a flatbed truck from Perth to Melbourne across The Outback or... lived in Portugal in the cab of a waffle van and cooked pizzas for hundreds of people at raves... or knows more about orienteering and climbing and health and safety than I ever will... does not mean they’re fine.”

“Kind of does,” says Youngest.

“Well, his parka fell off the back of that truck in the Outback, bet it’s still there. What does that tell you?”

“That it was summer in Australia and he didn’t need it?”

“Anyway, I can’t help him. Can’t get in.” “Good,” she says. “Cleaning our rooms upsets you. The crying… ridiculous.”

True. When they all lived with me the last pre- house move clearing of children’s rooms was harrowing. That’s all I’m saying for legal/ moral/ trust reasons ( folds cardigan tighter round chest, purses lips and moves on).

But I can’t keep my nose out so I send Middle a timeline of tasks. “And I’ll shampoo the carpet once you’ve gone, that way it’s all legal.” “Aw, thanks ma,” says Middle. Arriving with the Rug Doctor I look around his now empty flat. Impressive. Nothing left apart from a few sundry items in a box he’s obviously going to collect later: that lovely little pottery vase he made in primary school.

“So perfect – it’s as if the teacher made it,” I always say.

“They did. I stole it,” he always says.

His high school yearbook he wants to chuck. “No! Everyone’s in it,” I always say.

“I’m not,” he says. “I was off.”

Must have forgotten them. I’ll take them to his new place when it’s legal. I knew I was needed.