Best Scottish sweets, from tablet to macaroon bars, rated by an expert – me
◆ Disappointed by the Willy Wonka experience? Try some of these
It must be lucrative, being a dentist in Scotland. We’re such a sugar-loving nation. Well, so they say, or maybe it’s just me who is obsessed with molar-bothering sweetness, especially if it’s in the form of any of the below six, which I’ve listed with my favourite first. By the way, I only have two fillings, so I’ve got off lightly. Tablet: My kryptonite. I don’t make it because I can’t be bothered waiting for the sugary lava to hit the right temperature and, when it’s set, I will happily inhale the whole tray by myself. Anyway, shop bought, or discovered in its natural habitat of garden centres or school fairs will do. I love the melting texture, especially when it has sandy corners. Also, unless we’re talking about the excellent wares from Edinburgh institution, The Fudge House, I’m less of a fan of its sister sweet treat, fudge. Macaroon: The fondant centre contains mashed potato, so these are almost one of your five a day. Also, these bars, invented by Lees of Scotland back in 1931, are not to be confused with macarons, which are French and almondy, and not as satisfying, in my unsophisticated opinion, as a macaroon. Edinburgh rock: Nothing to do with The Exploited (they’re punk anyway). Again, it’s a textural thing. I’ve never tried eating a stick of blackboard chalk, but I imagine it’d be a similar sensation. Maybe not as pleasurable. I love the traditional Ross’s tartan packaging, and the pastel shades of these fruity sticks. Pure nostalgia. Along with tablet, Gleneagles offers a housemade version of this.
Moffat Toffee: My mum is from Moffat, so these pyramid-shaped sweets are a taste of her (and my) childhood. When we were small, we’d need help to jimmy the tin lid off with a kitchen knife. They’re so caramelly and mellow tasting at first, then sharper towards the middle. if you don’t eat them fast enough, they stick together at the bottom in vast sedimentary clusters.
Soor plums: Want a mouth ulcer? Then suck a few of these sweeties. They’re probably worth the Bonjela outlay. Highland Toffee: This is included only because my dear old granny used to buy us a bar, everytime we visited her. My teeth probably couldn’t handle it these days. Still, how many molars does one human need?