QUOTES of the week

‘Lots of people go through this sort of thing. It’s just that it’s slightly unusual for Archbishops of Canterbury... as far as they know.’

The Most Reverend Justin Welby on discovering he is the illegitimate son of Sir Winston Churchill’s

last private secretary.

‘In the centuries-long struggle between English and French, there is one victor – and to pretend otherwise is like suggesting that Johnny Hallyday is the future of pop.’

Broadcaster Jeremy Paxman insists that English is the only

language people must have.

‘Men do more work. And men invent things: if this were an all-woman society, we wouldn’t have television. We’d have lots of nice cushions.’

Author Fay Weldon risks the ire of feminists as she

comes out in praise of men.

‘Now women have got so many notches in their belt, the men are frightened to death.’

Actress Maureen Lipman says attitudes towards sex are changing at an alarming rate.

‘Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.’

Comedian John Bishop doesn’t rate his country’s chances at this year’s European Championships.

‘We’re just actors – get back to defending the free world.’

Downton Abbey star Jim Carter’s

comment to officials who jumped up and saluted when the cast of the period drama toured the White House.

‘I don’t like men who blow-dry their hair. If you are a man and blow-dry your hair then I don’t like you and that’s all there is to it.’

Comic Jack Dee

in typically grumpy mood.

‘I do eat a lot of vegetables and I’m a salad fiend, but I also have an ‘‘evil crisp hand’’. You know, two glasses of wine and evil crisp hand is snatching.’

TV star Jenny Eclair

reveals her battle to lose weight is often undone by a yearning for crisps.

‘It’s actually pretty incredible if you research it. But man it’s painful.’

Gwyneth Paltrow admits she has

deliberately allowed bees

to sting her as part of her beauty regime.