Lollygate, the barking row that proves we should all... GET A GRIP!
AS IF shootings in Munich, riots in Hyde Park, a failed coup in Turkey, Russian Olympic doping and the sweltering July sky weren’t enough to be going on with… we now have the outrage of the righteous over a photo of a three-year-old moppet holding out a half-eaten Magnum for his own dog to lick on a hot summer’s day.
It’s a miracle that Lupo – a handsome black spaniel, sitting in the sphinx position like the good boy he clearly is – didn’t take Prince George’s arm off.
But what is the appreciative reaction on social media and beyond to this charming tableau, taken to mark the third birthday of the people’s chubster?
George is a ‘monarchist monster’ for giving the dog chocolate, he should even ‘go to prison’ for animal cruelty, and the ever-sensible RSPCA has issued a po-faced statement and reminded us all that dogs are ‘lactose-intolerant’.
‘We would advise people to be cautious when giving their dogs food meant for human consumption, as some items, like chocolate, can be highly toxic to dogs and dairy items can be difficult for them to digest,’ a spokesman said.
‘Instead of ice cream we would suggest making an ice lolly from pet-friendly ingredients. Making these can be really fun for children and the end product is both safe and enjoyable for dogs.’
Pet-friendly ingredients? Doggy ice-lollies? Canine digestive issues? You’ve got to wonder: has anyone in the RSPCA ever, actually, had a dog?
I know that you shouldn’t give them chocolate or raisins – although I only found out about raisins when I made the mistake of writing here that I picked them out of my muesli and fed them to my dog Coco. I had to print a warning the following week about dogs, raisins, and fatal kidney failure.
I will be terribly in the doghouse if I say this, but anyone who has had a dog – and my neighbour Becky says her Border puppy Matilda ‘eats anything, including other dogs’ poo’ – knows that they gobble everything, from shoes to chicken bones on the street.
They rarely suffer any ill effects. And yet we still treat our pets with all the expensive preciousness that the most pampered yummy mummies lavish on themselves and their own entitled children.
Within a mile radius of my house there’s a pet deli and spa, a pet boutique, and bar with separate human and canine menus and a fashion range, and many pet shops that sell fresh and frozen raw and organic meals for dogs.
No yellow tins of cornershop Pedigree Chum or boxes of Bakers Meaty Meals here. All offer a wide and pricey range of services from grooming to pet portraits to acupuncture.
Nationwide, there are dog hotels (£30 a day, activities include Jacuzzi, treadmill and swimming), as well as a wide network of dog therapists, dog whisperers and dog trainers. Yes, we now accord our pets a level of care and comfort that the elderly in our care homes can only envy, and as a nation we should use Lollygate to recognise that it’s probably time to get a grip.
Of course Prince George should have let Lupo have a little lick of his Magnum.
After all, in the Famous Five books, Timmy was always given his own dish of ice cream along with Julian, Dick, Anne and George. And above all, Lupo is a DOG. Anyone who disagrees with me is barking.