QUOTES of the week

‘You should have stuck with me, mate.’ David Cameron’s text message to Boris Johnson after his Tory leadership hopes were torpedoed by fellow Brexiteer Michael Gove. ‘A real MI6 officer has a high degree of emotional intelligence, values teamwork and always respects the law… unlike Mr Bond.’ MI6 chief Andrew Younger reveals why 007 would never make a real-life spy. ‘A Quarter Pounding, Big Smack, Filet-o-Fists and a Slappy Meal.’ Headline in The Sun to describe how workers at McDonald’s attacked a customer. ‘I’ve lived a life of extraordinary good fortune – so much so I’m anticipating a piano falling on my head to redress the balance.’ Actor Hugh Laurie as he was awarded a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. ‘My family call me Gill but if anyone else did I’d slap them because it’s a bit familiar.’ Actress Gillian Anderson shows she’s not to be messed with. ‘I can still show a shapely calf for the stockings… but I prefer other people dressing up for my entertainment.’ Tory MP Ken Clarke reveals why he will not be seeking a place in the Lords. ‘Another failed landing on Mars. The Martians obviously have better border controls than us.’ Eric Barnes, of Birmingham, in a letter to the Daily Mail. ‘If you want to be loved by everyone, join a boy band.’ Michael Gove, who came under constant attack during his stint as Education Secretary. ‘What’s more important now – my hair or the match?’ Russian tennis star Svetlana Kuznetsova, who cut off her ponytail during a match to stop it hitting her in the eyes.