QUOTES of the week ‘Have cake and eat it.’
Handwritten note on the Government’s Brexit position, inadvertently revealed by Tory aide Julia Dockerill as she left a meeting at No10. ‘It is the cusp of going dithery. I want to get out while I am still lucid.’ Strictly judge Len Goodman on why, aged 72, he is quitting the hit BBC show.
‘They didn’t mention the F word.’
Whitehall insider rejects claims that Theresa May and Donald Trump spoke about Nigel Farage during their phone call last week.
‘I’m going to have a word with Mary Berry. You should have won.’
Prince William consoles Andrew Smyth after the Great British Bake Off finalist presented him with a cake in the shape of a Rolls-Royce jet engine.
‘Just tragic. It’s like finding out that David Attenborough is a wifebeater.’
‘Senior citizen, 89, seeks employment. 20hrs+ per week. Save me from dying of boredom!’
Joe Bartley’s newspaper ad appealing for work – he has since landed a job in a bar.
‘My father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day and I used to have to swim back. Mind you, that wasn’t the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.’
John Cleese jokes about his tough childhood.
Kirstie Allsopp admits that any visitors to her home over Christmas are likely to be festooned with baubles.
‘If it’s static, it’s decorated. Stand still in my house and you will be tinselled to within an inch of your life.’
‘It felt so strange. If you’re not part of the Royal Family, it doesn’t come naturally.’
Samantha Cameron admits that she hated having to wave to the public during her time in Downing Street.