QUOTES of the week

‘Super callous fragile racist sexist Nazi POTUS.’ Protest sign in London lambasting Donald Trump’s travel ban – cleverly using the acronym for President of the United States. ‘Well the fumes from the DVDs might be toxic and I’ve still got your money, so by all means borrow my lighter.’ J.K. Rowling reacts to a Twitter critic who threatened to burn her Harry Potter movies over the author’s condemnation of Trump. ‘You sold your soul in exchange for sex, luxury trips, bling and swag.’ Judge Martin Beddoe jails corrupt HBOS manager Lynden Scourfield for his part in a £245million loans scam. ‘Worst day of my parenting life. Asked to leave after 20 mins. He screamed the place down.’ TV star Helen Skelton relives her horror after her son Ernie’s playgroup tantrum ‘Fabeness be to the Auntie, to the Homie Chavvie and to the Fantabulosa Fairy.’ Trainee priests are rebuked for changing the traditional ‘father, son and holy spirit’ prayer into the gay slang language Polari. ‘Apparently you follow the rabbit down the hole and you emerge in a wonderland where countries are queuing up to give us trading advantages.’ Europhile Tory Ken Clarke likens Brexit plans to Lewis Carroll’s fantasy world. ‘No one tells you that old age is going to be sh **** . It’s a kind of conspiracy.’ Actress Miriam Margolyes, 75, believes we need to be more frank about ageing. ‘Sad that there are more black people in Beyoncé right now than in Trump’s cabinet.’ Comedienne Grainne Maguire reacts to news that the pop star is expecting twins. ‘Erm, pretty sure I never ran a CIA black site

for torture.’ Newsnight host Emily Maitlis after human rights campaigner Kenneth Roth mistakenly used her picture alongside his tweet about torture.