QUOTES of the week

The Scottish Mail on Sunday - - Comment -

‘I’m con­stantly amazed that a man with such short legs is able to climb on to so many high horses.’ Tory MP An­drew Brid­gen crit­i­cises Speaker John Ber­cow af­ter he de­clared that Don­ald Trump should be banned from ad­dress­ing Par­lia­ment.

‘No cour­gettes are kept in this van overnight.’ Sign on a Morrisons de­liv­ery ve­hi­cle spot­ted in West Lon­don, as the veg­etable short­age bites.

‘He was more bal­let dancer than beef­cake.’ Aca­demics who have cre­ated the first ac­cu­rate por­trait of Mr Darcy – and ad­mit he was noth­ing like Colin Firth’s TV por­trayal.

‘Don’t try the fried Mars bars. They’re hor­rific.’ Andy Mur­ray gives ten­nis ri­val Roger Fed­erer a word of warn­ing ahead of his first visit to Scot­land this year.

‘Good things come in pack­ages of every size and we don’t come with an ex­pi­ra­tion date!’ Model Christie Brink­ley, 63, who ap­pears on the cover of Sports Il­lus­trated.

‘It’s not so much the old peo­ple get­ting older… it’s the grotesque rise in young peo­ple get­ting fat­ter.’ For­mer sur­geon Lord McColl blames the NHS’s woes on over­weight chil­dren.

‘Ac­ti­vate your HH func­tion and the ra­dio will switch over when­ever a hip-hop track is be­ing played.’ Com­men­ta­tor Matthew Par­ris sug­gests a new car fea­ture to help end ‘vul­gar, mind­less noise’.

‘I was in the cobra po­si­tion. You could say yoga saved my life.’ Dig­ger driver Daniel Miller who sur­vived af­ter be­ing pinned in a muddy pool with his nose barely above the sur­face for five hours.

‘I came off court look­ing like Rocky Bal­boa.’ Ten­nis um­pire Ar­naud Gabas who was hit in the face by a ball struck in rage by Canada’s De­nis Shapo­valov.

‘If one of them killed some­one I would help bury the body.’ Cara Delev­ingne jokes about her close bond with sis­ters Poppy and Chloe.

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