Making a birth plan? That’s bound to fail

...so go easy on yourself, says no-nonsense midwife turned internet sensation CLEMMIE HOOPER

IDON’T like the word ‘plan’. Mainly because you can’t plan anything and guarantee it will unfold the way you thought it would. You can plan your wedding down to within an inch of its life – and then there’s a thunderstorm on the day.

Or plan that job interview repeatedly in your head and then, instead of asking you the questions you’ve rehearsed, they ask five you never thought of.

Today, pregnant women are advised by the NHS that it’s important to have a birth plan in place before going into labour.

The aim of this written document, a spreadsheet, is to communicate your wishes to medical staff for where, how and with whom you want to give birth, and what you want to happen afterwards.

The NHS Choices website even helps by letting mothers-to-be create one online, with tick boxes next to statements including ‘I would like to give birth at home’ and ‘I plan to use equipment such as mats or beanbags during labour.’

You can then print it out, and hand it to whoever you like. Simple.

It might seem like a good idea. But I would suggest that women stay open-minded.

It’s good to have ideals. But don’t get too attached to them, because if things don’t always pan out quite the way you expected, you don’t want to feel you’ve failed in some way.

For instance, it’s not unusual to plan for a drug-free birth but end up opting for an epidural mid-labour.

This is simply making the right decision at the time. And no one should feel bad about choosing effective pain relief.

I want to free mothers-to-be from the perception that there is a right or wrong way to have baby.

There’s no model to giving birth, and no bravery award for doing it a certain way.

You see, birth is unpredictable. As a midwife for the past decade and a mother-of-four myself – Anya is nine, Marnie six, and the twins, Ottilie and Delilah, were born in January 2016 – this is something I know all too well.

I’ve helped hundreds of women through pregnancy and into motherhood, whether it’s their first time or whether they’ve done it several times before.

I’ve seen it all, from home birth (planned and unplanned), water births, births in the back of a taxi, inductions and C-sections. I’ve delivered sets of twins (including my own) and seen triplets being born, and sadly helped deliver babies too premature to survive.

My book – which I gave the admittedly blunt title How To Grow A Baby And Push It Out – is filled with my own matter-of-fact advice along with real-life stories from mothers I’ve looked after.

I hope they illustrate just how easily everything you’d hoped would happen can go out of the window when the big day actually arrives. And that’s OK. In fact, it is liberating, and can be lifesaving.

As long as you’re fully informed of the choices on offer, it really doesn’t matter if you choose something that wasn’t in your plan.

So, have a rough idea in advance of what you think you’d like to do – I like to call them birth preferences. By all means, jot them down and share them with your partner and midwife.

Changing your mind should be empowering, not a cause for somehow feeling you’ve let the side down. You shouldn’t judge yourself (or worse, resist attempts to medically intervene, if deemed necessary).

For example, I had one mum recently who was in the birthing pool when we noticed indications that the baby was in distress. She had to get out of the pool to allow us to continuously monitor both of them. Everything went fine, the baby was healthy and it was an empowering experience for the mother.

Ultimately, parents must weigh up the risks and benefits, and also listen to what their instinct tells them.

Of course, if you want to make a detailed plan, then do. Conversely,

some mums barely think about what they want and just go with the flow.

In my experience the majority of women would be guided by the advice of their doctor or midwife and never do anything that might put their baby’s life in danger.

As for me? With the exception of Anya, nothing went according to ‘plan’. With Marnie, I developed a liver problem which led to me choosing to be induced at 38 weeks. In different circumstances, I’d like to have gone full-term.

It happened again with the twins. At 36 weeks, I’d had enough. I wanted to use a birthing pool but I couldn’t because my waters were broken and I was then put on a hormone drip which wouldn’t have been possible if I’d remained in the pool.

Although it was potentially a highrisk pregnancy and labour, it was also my most positive and empowering – because I felt so supported by my midwives. Had I somehow failed because I hadn’t stuck rigidly to a birth plan? No way. And I’ve got four lovely, healthy girls to prove it.