QUOTES of the week

‘This is not the time for retreat, indifference or despair but the time to rise up in defence of what we believe.’ Tony Blair urges Remainers to fight to keep Britain in the EU.

‘Father Christmas confirms that he is real. All suggestions to the contrary are fake news.’ Today programme host Nick Robinson issues a prompt apology after bizarrely – and incorrectly – claiming Santa does not exist.

‘I don’t think of this place as a foreign country. I think of it as a vast Brooklyn that just speaks better.’ Comic actor Mel Brooks quip about Britain after receiving a Bafta Fellowship.

‘Oh Michael, your hair!’ Eva Jagger’s comment to son Mick after the Rolling Stones star returned home to Dartford after two chaotic years of touring, according to a new book.

‘Until an hour ago the scariest thing I’d ever watched was Psycho.’ J.K. Rowling after Donald Trump’s press conference lambasting the media.

‘We are asking people to memorise a new 600-digit number every month. None of my best people could do that.’ GCHQ boss Ciaran Martin admits trying to remember a succession of computer passwords is impossible.

‘Was that airliner meant to be underneath me?’ Actor Harrison Ford to air traffic controllers, after a near-miss while coming in to land at an airport in California.

‘You’ve read the book. You’ve seen the film. Now eat the cast.’ Butcher’s shop sign in Gloucestershire alongside a picture from Watership Down.

‘I went out for a croissant and came back having bought an apartment.’ Actress Celia Imrie recalls how she fell in love with French city Nice on her first visit.

‘I’m more of a mature cat now.’ Felicity Kendal believes her sex kitten days are behind her.