QUOTES of the week

‘I thought I would be disappointing them.’ Mandy singer Barry Manilow on why kept his gay relationship with his manager quiet for 38 years – so that he didn’t upset his female fans.

‘Amys nail’s.’ One of many Bristol shop signs later corrected by the unknown crusader the Apostrophiser.

‘No child of God should ever suffer such horror.’ US President Donald Trump on the use of nerve gas in the Syrian conflict, before giving the go-ahead for a full-scale US cruise missile strike.

‘Do the young move aside to let me pass? No, they bloody well don’t.’ 91-year-old Michael Bond, creator of Paddington Bear, bemoans the decline in manners when the elderly go out for a walk.

‘When you’re young and beautiful, you’re paranoid inside.’ Dame Helen Mirren reveals that being a sex symbol is not always as good as it seems.

‘You still might get a slap, even though you’re a woman.’ Sunderland boss David Moyes threatens a female BBC reporter after taking umbrage at her searching questions.

‘Plenty of places serve granola.’ Tory Sean Anstee, prospective mayor of Manchester, response to the news that The Guardian newspaper may return to its roots in the city.

‘What does an Essex girl say after her doctor tells her she’s pregnant? Is it mine?’ Derogatory joke read out during Scott Mills’s Radio 1 show that is now being investigated by Ofcom following complaints from listeners.

‘I consoled myself with the thought that I’d shook a hand that had cupped the breasts

of Marilyn Monroe.’ Cartoonist Gerald Scarfe after visiting playwright Arthur Miller – but discovering his famous wife was not home.