QUOTES OF THE WEEK

‘Theresa May is living in another galaxy. She is deluding herself.’

EU chief Jean-Claude Juncker’s reported remark after a Brexit meeting with the Prime Minister.

‘I could drink a Russian under the table with his own vodka. I was a professional.’

Brad Pitt admits his alcohol addiction.

‘Fair play to 95-year-old Prince Philip retiring. He was born in Greece and if he had stayed there he could have retired twice by now.’

Twitter user James Goldstone after it was announced that the Duke of Edinburgh is stepping down from Royal duties.

‘I fell in love every time I slept with a man. If he has talent, smell and humour, I’m a goner.’

Carly Simon reveals all about her past liaisons.

‘Agent Abbott, rein it in. We don’t want to arouse suspicions.’

Labour activist Paul Richards imagines the Tories’ reaction after the Shadow Home Secretary’s car-crash interview over police numbers.

‘I watched the sun set and pretty much made peace with it all. I didn’t think I would see the sun rise.’

Surfer Matthew Bryce of Airdrie, who was rescued after being lost at sea off Argyll for 32 hours.

‘Theresa May – we should talk.’

Former Labour leader Ed Miliband, who famously struggled to eat a bacon sandwich, sympathises with the Prime Minister after her difficulties with a cone of chips.

‘I took some singing lessons. After the first few, the teacher wanted to continue them by post.’

Former Scotland Yard chief Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe confesses he has no talent for music.

‘Think of all the men you get to kiss and you don’t have to pay the price. The relationship is perfect.’

Hollywood actress Diane Keaton on the thrill of an on-screen romance.