Surreal Sumaila tale is fitting of Ibrox dramas
LEGAL wrangles, outlandish accusations, geezers going AWOL with the cops on their trail, reputational damage, talk of unpaid bills and religion never far from the fore. Rashid Sumaila has had the lot over the past year or so. If nothing else, the never-ending Rangers soap opera will seem like pretty familiar ground should he opt to up sticks and follow Pedro Caixinha from Qatari club Al-Gharafa to Ibrox.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, though, from the porn star offering tax advice to Mark Warburton claiming Rob Kiernan was heading straight for the English Premier League, big Rashid just brings another killer plotline to the mix.
Last January, a witchdoctor by the name of Malam Isaka Salia sparked one unholy row after appearing on radio in Sumaila’s native Ghana and claiming the centre-half had approached him ahead of the 2014 World Cup finals and asked him to use black magic against his colleagues in the national squad.
‘He came to me for assistance ahead of the World Cup and I promised to help him,’ said Malam, in the kind of bonkers broadcast interview only rivalled here when Chris Sutton is marking Derek Johnstone’s mid-season report card.
‘I told him he could only get a position in the squad if one of the centre-backs is injured. He accepted and asked me to do it to Jerry Akaminko. I am now saying this publicly because he has failed to pay me.’
Akaminko bust his ankle when landing awkwardly at the end of a warm-up match against Holland — a game in which Dutch star Arjen Robben was riled by the tough tackling of Sumaila — and the Rangers target duly made the squad for the finals in Brazil, but failed to get a game.
Wakaso Mubarak (remember him, Celtic fans?) even made a couple of appearances for Ghana, who finished stone last in their section.
Wouldn’t anyone be taking a look through the terms and conditions of the contract with the juju man in those circumstances?
Sumaila — for the sake of clarity should any lawyers, wizards or spirit-channellers be watching — denied any involvement with witchcraft in the strongest terms, though. Payback, for all that, on his mind.
‘This man only wants attention and is trying to pitch me and Jerry at each other, but Allah will punish him,’ said Sumaila, not quite taking the sting out of the situation. ‘I am a staunch Muslim and I don’t engage in that.
‘I have asked my family to fish out the sports journalist who did the interview, so that he identifies the said juju man and take him to court. If I could use juju, I would have used it to push my career and play for clubs like Chelsea or Barcelona.’
Quite. Moving to Rangers, then, should clear up any residual suspicion once and for all.
No need for any of the bad juju to get a game in the team either.
Clint Hill might well be on to the zimmer frame by the time the Europa League qualifiers come round and, even then, would still be the safest bet at the back.
What of the mysterious Malam, though? Information is a little sketchy, but Sumaila did offer an update several months after those initial allegations came to light.
‘The matter is with my lawyer and the case is with the police,’ he said. ‘They are still looking for the said juju man and I am told he has vanished, but am sure they will get him.’
Reports he was found in a cave somewhere in the Middle East with Imran Ahmad remain unconfirmed. As do suggestions he has been found in a complex network of tunnels underneath Auchenhowie along with Jordan Rossiter and Philippe Senderos.
Rossiter’s name pops up from time to time, rather the same way Shergar’s does during Epsom Derby week, with Caixinha — finally admitting that he is standing in the middle of a train wreck rather than a dressing room with the best players association football has to offer — talking about him being back for pre-season.
If the former Liverpool midfielder is to have a future at Rangers, there will be plenty of players hearing over the coming days that the dream is over. The chickens are about to come home to roost after an absolute turkey of a season.
Kenny Miller has just agreed a deserved new deal and is too old to sell on anyway, but there is not one other player that you would turn down money for. The problem is that there are not too many likely to be attracting offers.
The disastrous recruitment policies of Warburton’s reign — all those unsuitable men on unbreakable contracts — have left Caixinha’s rebuilding programme looking even more of an impossible job.
Despite the current board having been in place for over two years, he has no real scouting network to call upon. This is why he is looking at players he knows from Mexico and Qatar.
Rangers had better pray he knows what he is doing. As if it has to be pointed out, there is no director of football to offer checks and balances. Caixinha is on his own and he is focusing on some rather unpredictable markets.
The cheap pay-off line would be to suggest that the Portuguese’s task looks so difficult that he might like to consider turning to the old juju himself.
Rangers have already had a go with a Magic Hat, though. And look where that got them.