Martine: Fame pushed me to brink of suicide
SHE was the nation’s sweetheart, finding fame in EastEnders and on stage, the big screen and even in the pop charts.
But while she was loved by millions, Martine McCutcheon was privately so stricken by depression that she contemplated suicide.
The actress, now 41, reveals the depths of her illness in an exclusive interview with The Mail on Sunday’s Event magazine, telling how the depression was triggered when chronic fatigue syndrome left her unable to do the simplest tasks.
She recalls: ‘I woke up in bed one day not knowing what time it was, feeling boiling hot and not being able to get up to open a window. I remember saying to myself, “It will be better if you don’t wake up.”’
Martine reached rock bottom five years ago and even told husband Jack to leave her and find someone else. She says: ‘He had to wash my hair, put me in the shower, feed me. I was given a wheelchair but refused to get in it, because if I did I would never get out, so it was kept in the corner of the room like a warning. I was chronically depressed.’
The actress adds: ‘I am fully aware that people thought I was making my symptoms up. I went from being this girl who was on the television, recording No1 singles, to this invalid who couldn’t move out of her bed.
‘No one would could work out what was wrong with me. Weeks would pass with me just lying on the sofa not being able to lift the remote controls. Every muscle in my body ached. I felt like I had a permanent hangover, and then I started not being able to move my legs, which was terrifying. Everything in my life just stopped dead.
‘I couldn’t work. I went through all my savings.’
The star, who played Eliza Doolittle in a National Theatre version of My Fair Lady, was declared bankrupt in 2013 and bailiffs seized her diamond engagement ring. She says: ‘At the time I was heartbroken but then I realised I’d grown up without money and I could live without it. Living without my health was something I couldn’t cope with.’ Martine turned her life around with the help of therapists, and says becoming a mother to Rafferty, now two, also helped get things into perspective. ‘I have learned from the good, the bad and the ugly,’ she says. ‘I went so far down I never thought I would come back up again. I lost myself. I’ve found myself. I’m back.’