The writing is on the wall for Rangers... and it makes grim reading for you, Pedro
THE only goal that is not reached is one that is not tried, reads one of those ghastly ‘motivational’ placards Pedro Caixinha has defaced the woodpanelled splendour of Ibrox with. Absolute gibberish, of course. The kind of jumbled-up nonsense you might find printed on a mug or a T-shirt amid the knock-off gear in a Hong Kong flea market. What does it even mean?
Rangers had a goal. They tried to reach it. Their manager ended up standing in a bush in Luxembourg waving his hands at people as the world looked on and laughed and the opposition, even their asthmatic goalscorer, wandered off up the road to smoke some shisha.
It is not just the signage around the dressing room failing to make much sense at Ibrox right now. Where Rangers are concerned, claptrap and contradiction just go with the territory.
Had you asked, no more than a month ago, who or what Progres Niederkorn was, the answers would have been varied.
A left-leaning political party addressing the rise of nationalism in Austria? A German industrial rock band? The daughter born from a forbidden relationship between a Soweto township girl and a land-owning Afrikaner in 1970s Johannesburg and the subject of the kind of film project Celtic players and management might have been open to investing in during the height of the EBT years elsewhere?
We all know who Progres are now, all right. The very name will forever haunt Caixinha and, quite possibly, those who took the gamble of appointing him ahead of more rational if less exotic options.
There is an argument to be made that the Europa League defeat to the fourth-best team in Luxembourg, a nadir for our mortally damaged game, should have seen the Portuguese sacked.
It was certainly a resignation issue. Irrespective of the handsome level of squad investment that has been provided and the players brought, Caixinha should have offered to hand in his notice and given the board a decision to make.
That may sound rather knee-jerk, a little melodramatic, but that is precisely how bad those 90 minutes were. It was impossible to watch the horror, the disgrace, unfold and understand what Caixinha is trying to do, far less retain faith in it.
For many, the alarm bells began to ring the moment he started banging on about being a ‘f ***** g tough guy’ after insisting he had the best team in the country. By the time a record home defeat to Celtic and the first Ibrox loss in 26 years to Aberdeen had been sustained, his talk of ‘transitions’ was becoming almost as tiresome as Mark Warburton’s ramblings on ‘pitch geography’. Almost.
If that sign in the Ibrox dressing room is anything to go by and we’re now into the woolly world of the self-help book, Caixinha really is in trouble. Motivational slogans posted around football clubs is nothing new, of course, but does such vapid nonsense really achieve anything positive?
How would you react if your boss plastered your workplace with reminders that teamwork makes the dream work? You’d mark him down as a Grade-A wassock, wouldn’t you? And, be assured, footballers are often quick to form such unfavourable opinions.
Sessions in mindfulness will be next. Being mindful of the need to have some kind of cohesive way of playing should be meditation number one.
Outmanned in the centre of the park against a mob of part-timers in midweek, he played two strictly functional, defensively-minded midfielders in Jordan Rossiter and Ryan Jack. Niko Kranjcar, there to support the attack, seemed to lose focus and heart as the humiliation intensified.
There was no dynamism at all, no tempo, none of the stuff Caixinha has talked about. Just aimless balls, pointless crosses and suicidal defending. It was beyond pathetic.
Barrie McKay has his shortcomings, for sure, but things would surely have been better with him on the park rather than concluding transfer talks with Nottingham Forest.
Caixinha was cut plenty of slack last term, but the goodwill is gone. Criticism of him can no longer be written off as xenophobia. There have been too many empty words from him and others and not enough action.
Another sign inside Ibrox talks about how failing to fight for the second ball will kill you. Josh Windass may care to take notice.
Tuesday’s substitute appearance may well spell the end of him, but there are a number of players who are simply not going to cut it against Celtic and Aberdeen.
Kranjcar is one. He continues to be talked about as ‘the quarterback’, the man to base a title drive on. He can barely get through 90 minutes.
Recall his display in the 5-1 tonking at Parkhead last season, where he was taken off at half-time in an act of mercy, and ask yourself whether he is really going to handle the relentlessness drilled into their teams by Brendan Rodgers and Derek McInnes one year on and with a serious knee injury behind him.
The one glimmer of hope is that most of Caixinha’s major signings are yet to take centre stage. Bruno Alves should harden the defence.
Carlos Pena comes with a goalscoring background in midfield, but questions over his attitude. He could be a revelation. Or a Joey Barton.
Eduardo Herrera has yet to come in at centre-forward and Graham Dorrans should add quality.
Managing director Stewart Robertson better hope so. The club vowed to have a director of football in place to oversee these expensive signings. They failed to get one and ended up with all their eggs in one basket alongside Caixinha’s big words and slick delivery.
At the moment, it is hard to believe in him. Indeed, you might say the writing’s on the wall.