QUOTES of the week

‘I am not hearing any whistling – just a clock ticking.’ EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier reacts after Boris Johnson claimed Brussels could ‘go whistle’ for an extortionate final payment from the UK. ‘It has to be warmonger. The fishmonger at my nearest Asda is amazing.’ 15-year-old work experience schoolboy Eddie, who was bizarrely asked to ‘name the worst monger’ while in charge of Southern Rail’s Twitter feed. ‘Guess that’s why they call it export lager.’ Dean Stinson after collecting from an airport carousel the can of lager he checked in as luggage for a joke. ‘My stomach looks like a shar pei puppy.’ TV star Davina McCall compares her ‘mummy tummy’ with the dog breed famous for its deep wrinkles. ‘I have kept it quiet for the past 13 years but I have been wearing Everton pyjamas.’ Wayne Rooney, who has returned to his boyhood club from Manchester United. ‘It stripped £7million out of the BBC1 schedule money – I had to play Blankety Blank on a loop that summer.’ Ex-BBC boss Peter Salmon recalls the high price the last time Britain hosted the Eurovision Song Contest. ‘It’s as big a step we’re taking as a country as decolonisation in the 1950s and 60s, and appeasement in the 1930s.’ Government adviser Lord Adonis courts controversy with his Brexit warning. ‘Is this a new commercial venture by the Royal Family, or do all little princesses now get an invitation?’ Twitter user reacts after David Beckham’s daughter Harper has a tea party at Buckingham Palace. ‘It may be one and done.’ Harry Styles indicates that his role in Dunkirk may be his first and only film appearance.