I earned a lot from Red Dwarf repeats . . . I had uncashed cheques by my bedside – for £240,000
What did your parents teach you about money?
THAT we did not have enough of it. My dad was a lorry driver and my mum was a housewife. There was never ever enough money in the house.
I always had the worst shoes and we were poor, but we never went hungry because of my dad’s job. In those days, lorry drivers would tie their own loads down. So there was always a hessian bag of rice or tapioca under the stairs.
How much pocket money did you get as a child?
JUST a penny to go to the swimming baths once a week with my two older brothers, when I was about seven. Half a penny would get me into the baths and the other half would get me a bag of chips afterwards to eat on the three-mile walk back home. Those chips were the best.
What was the first paid work you ever did?
I HAD a paper round when I was 12. I was a terrible paperboy. I do not remember how much I got paid but it definitely was not enough. My brother used to do three paper rounds before I even got up to do mine. My heart really was not in it. In fact, I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to all the people I delivered papers to.
Have you ever struggled to make ends meet?
YES, during the financial crisis of 2008. I had just bought my home in Cheshire with a bridging loan and was planning to sell another house I owned in Southampton.
All of a sudden interest rates went up and I could not sell my Southampton property. I had to pay two mighty mortgages and I got to the stage where I could not work hard enough to pay them both.
For about six weeks, it was touch and go. We had to fight to keep our home in Cheshire. I remember taking the coins out of the whisky bottles I kept my loose change in and using them up. Then the Bank of England slashed interest rates and I thought: ‘Thank God.’
Have you ever been paid silly money for a job?
YES, as a disc jockey at multi-millionaires’ parties. The decadence and the money these people have to burn is just shocking.
They pick me up in a motorboat or helicopter, I will play for a couple of hours and for that I get paid at least a five-figure sum: easily way over £10,000.
Sometimes, you just think: ‘Pinch me.’
What was the best year in terms of the money you made?
HOPEFULLY, it is still to come. But I had some fantastic years when Red Dwarf was getting repeated all over the world.
In the early 1990s, I remember opening a drawer beside my bed and there were lots of cheques in there. Each was for £230,000 or £240,000, amounts like that. They had been there for months. I saw them and figured I had better go and cash these cheques. I was young.
How did it feel to be making that sort of money?
IT FELT like vindication. My mum told me I should be a doctor or a lawyer.
Of course, we had no idea how popular Red Dwarf would become when we started making it. We thought we were doing some quaint niche BBC2 comedy that would maybe last a couple of series and then we would all go and do something else.
None of us realised it would end up being such a success.
What is the most expensive thing you have ever bought for fun?
IT WOULD have to be a green Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow II. When I met my wife in Ireland in 1992 I pretended I had a RollsRoyce in the UK. That was an expensive mistake.
When she decided she would move in with me, I called my personal assistant and said: ‘Go and buy a Rolls-Royce and do not tell me how much it costs.’
Of course, my wife worked out immediately that I had lied to her. There was no pulling the wool over her eyes.
What is the biggest money mistake you have ever made?
BUYING the house in Southampton in 2005 for £860,000. Two weeks after I bought it, I got offered a role on Coronation Street which is a mighty long commute from Southampton.
But because I had bought it right at the top of the market, it took me ten years to sell it for £720,000. During that time, I had spent about £250,000 doing work on it. So I lost about £400,000 in total.
What is the best money decision you have made?
BUYING property in London in the 1980s and 1990s. I quickly doubled my money by doing that. The London property market is ridiculous. You should never lose money on property in London.
Do you save into a pension or invest in the stock market?
I HAVE got a pension. My accountant takes care of it. I am sure I contribute a reasonable amount. I do think a pension is a good way to save for your retirement, but I do not like the way the Government keeps changing the goalposts. I do not invest in the stock market because I fail to understand it.
Do you own any property?
YES, my home, an old mill in Cheshire. The river Bollin runs through the garden. It has five bedrooms, a library, a pool and a subterranean bar underneath the house. I do not want to say how much it cost, but put it this way, it was expensive.
What is the one little luxury you like to treat yourself to?
WHISPERING Angel rosé wine from Côtes de Provence. Each bottle costs about £20 and I buy it by the case. I drink far too much of it. I also send my children to private school. That is expensive, but I think: ‘Why not? I went to a comprehensive school and it was rubbish.’
If you were Chancellor of the Exchequer, what is the first thing you would do?
APUT money into the National Health Service and increase the salaries of doctors and nurses. These people are dedicating their lives to saving others. They are heroes and their work should be valued a lot more than it is. I would also try to revamp the rural economy by improving the roads, phone reception and broadband. But the NHS would be my priority. That is
what makes us British. Do you feel that it is important to give to charity? YES I do. My favourite charity is the Make-A-Wish Foundation which helps ensure the wishes of seriously ill children come true. I have helped them to grant a few wishes. It was heart-wrenching.
What is your number one financial priority?
TO SUPPORT my kids through school and university and to earn more money than my wife can spend.