You won’t BELIEVE what they tell me!

Of course I believe in magic – what do you think explains how much stuff I’ve sold over the years?

Damien Hirst admits he didn’t rely entirely on artistic merit to make £235 million from his conceptual pieces.

I make jokes about everything. I like to think of myself as an equal opportunities offender.

Jimmy Carr assures me that absolutely everyone is fair game for his acerbic wit.

Dame Judi is awful. She is terrible. She is so unprofessional. Very badly behaved. She is genuinely quite naughty.

Don’t panic – Olivia Colman was joking about working with good friend Dame Judi when we met at the Murder On The Orient Express premiere.

My dog can do magic. She’s a 9st Newfoundland called Bunty and if you come to my house I will show you she can do card tricks.

Magician Dynamo offers proof at his The Book Of Secrets launch that you really can teach an old dog new tricks…

This is what thrills me about typewriters. They are meant to do one thing and one thing only. They take the least amount of effort and maintenance and they will last as long as the stones in Stonehenge.

Tom Hanks raves at the Southbank Centre’s London Literature Festival about his collection of 140 typewriters.

I remember being so scared of losing my high voice when I started puberty, but my voice actually got higher when my b **** dropped!

Pop star Sam Smith tells me how he defied the normal course of human development.