QUOTES of the week

‘When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind.’

Donald Trump hits back at former aide Steve Bannon, who made explosive accusations about the President in a new book.

‘I apologise to the people of Stoke for the Third World conditions due to overcrowding.’

Consultant Richard Fawcett, as his A&E department struggles to cope amid a new winter crisis.

‘Sorry for the mess-up. Would you prefer “pet” or “love” next time?’

Virgin Trains tweet to a female passenger who complained about being referred to as ‘honey’. The firm later apologised.

‘It is a bit of a s*** or bust strategy.’

Labour’s Angela Rayner concedes that her party’s plans to raise taxes and borrow billions is a gamble.

‘You put on weight easily, you don’t metabolise alcohol so well and you can’t go anywhere without your bloody specs.’

TV star Kirstie Allsopp laments the effects of ageing.

‘We embrace Dry January. We offer dry martinis, dry white wine and dry cider.’

Pub sign tries to lure people into breaking their no-alcohol rule.

‘It’s done, it’s beat. It’s Sophia Loren. We used to think she was the best-looking woman we’d ever seen but would I go out with her now?’

Former Scotland manager Gordon Strachan says that Hampden Park has seen better days.

‘You’ve made me very happy and my mother very surprised.’

Sandi Toksvig responds after her Bake Off co-star Noel Fielding jokingly claimed that they had married.

‘What would she think if she found the organiser in her celebratory year was a supermodel?’ Nick Holland questions why Lily Cole, left, is responsible for events marking the 200th anniversary of Emily Bronte’s birth.