I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
THERE are many ways to become aware of what you have previously taken for granted, and pain is one of them.
Tasting food, or sipping a good wine or even a cup of tea – these are things most of us don’t think twice about. But for the past six months, I have been unable to take them for granted any longer because I’ve been plagued by excruciating pain in my mouth and throat following my treatment for HPV-derived cancer.
I have friends with a young son and would urge them to have him vaccinated. This is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
I’m now acutely aware of my mouth and throat as the key passageways for the vitals of life – food, water and oxygen. And when your throat and mouth have been traumatised by radiotherapy, this all becomes extremely painful.
So much so I had to have a feeding tube fitted through my nose into my stomach, after being rushed to hospital early one morning following my collapse due to severe dehydration.
Now almost five months later, I have finally got rid of the feeding tube and can eat and drink through my mouth. Many foods and all alcohol are still off-limits. It’s soft food only – nursery favourites such as bread and butter pudding, or shepherd’s pie.
Food, particularly meat, has to be pureed and water remains my main liquid, along with milk and cream.
It is socially isolating, because going out with friends means sitting with a glass of water while they enjoy wine or a G&T, and I am concerned about going on holiday because of my restricted ability to eat.
My mouth and throat are still very sore and I am still using strong painkillers. It is gradually becoming more bearable as the trauma of radiotherapy subsides.
My energy levels remain low, so low that I have to be careful I do not fall asleep almost immediately after sitting down.
And I feel the cold more intensely, another after-effect of radiotherapy, which also saw me lose nearly 3st.
I do not yet know if the treatment has been successful because the consultants cannot see clearly on the scans what may be cancer or is tissue traumatised by radiotherapy.
I still remember a friend’s shocked intake of breath when he saw the burn on my neck.
I am scheduled to have another scan and meeting with the consultants this month, when hopefully they will be able to say if the treatment has worked.