For crying out loud! Why it’s time you were proud to be a drama queen

Social misfits are unfairly maligned, says the author of a new book on neurotics. Sensitivity can be a secret superpower...

EVERYONE knows a troublemaker. The drama queen who’s forever bursting into tears; the friend who’ll happily point out the elephant in the room without batting an eyelid. They might be ferociously passionate, jaw-droppingly honest and intensely hard-working, with obsessive interests – such as an encyclopaedic knowledge of Strictly Come Dancing.

At a party, they can lob the conversational equivalent of a hand grenade into the mix with little thought for social nuance.

They can be, quite frankly, just a little bit too much to take.

Sound familiar? As many as 20 per cent of us – one in five – may in fact be what is now described as a ‘highly sensitive person’ (HSP) or even, as some believe, ‘gifted and talented’.

They’re the latest psychological buzzwords to hit Harley Street clinics, and some experts believe a lack of understanding of these tendencies could even lead to misdiagnoses of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD or depression.

Out of the therapist’s chair, HSPs may be mis-labelled drama queens, or described as ‘thin-skinned’. But emerging evidence shows that these sensitive souls may literally be wired differently.

Brain imaging studies show unusually heightened activity in areas specifically involved in empathy and self-awareness – making them better at understanding the needs of others. Could emotional sensitivity actually be something of a superpower? A fascinating new book by the latest expert in the field argues just that – and explains how those dismissed as mentally unstable or overly dramatic are, in fact, utterly misunderstood.

Clinical psychotherapist Imi Lo says those with emotional sensitivity must be celebrated as ‘society’s truth tellers’ who have the power to change the world.

Writing in her book Emotional Sensitivity And Intensity, Imi argues that we can all benefit from being a little more in tune with our emotions. ‘We’re sitting on a gold mine,’ Imi explains. ‘Outsiders might see someone who gets upset easily, but these people are hugely gifted and have a lot to offer the world.

‘Sensitive people are very intuitive, like canaries down a mine – they can sniff out whatever’s toxic in an environment; they intuitively gauge other people’s emotions.

‘There’s an extraordinary capacity to understand the intentions, motivations and desires of other people, paired with exceptional ability in areas like music, visual art, logical thinking and sports. It’s not just closely related to giftedness, it’s a gift in itself. To them, my message is this – there’s nothing wrong with you, and you have important work to do in this world.’

Imi, 30, is well-placed as an expert in this field – she too is a HSP – and as such, is refreshingly honest about her quirks. ‘I’ve always struggled to fit in,’ she explains. ‘I had to leave conventional work because I couldn’t cope with the noise of a workplace, people typing, that sort of thing.’

Imi hasn’t let it hold her back – she recently soundproofed the walls of her South-West London-based psychotherapy practice to create a quiet, calm oasis. ‘The thing is,’ she stresses, ‘I don’t want to reinforce the idea that people like me are too fragile for the world.’

There is a considerable body of research to reinforce such a stereotype. It can leave people assuming – wrongly – that people like Imi are simply ‘drama queens’, a term she finds deeply offensive.

Most existing studies recommend that sensitive types should protect themselves lest they develop ‘compassion fatigue’ (they’re more prone to absorbing other’s emotional states) or emotional burnout. But at her practice, aptly named Eggshell Therapy and set up six years ago, Imi advocates a different approach which involves embracing your inner weirdness, dealing with past demons, and ‘letting your vibe find your tribe’.

Her approach to expressing emotion may seem antisocial, but it is, in fact, supported by decades of psychological studies.

Research shows that expressing negative emotions can protect from

both mental and physical health problems, both of which Imi has herself experienced.

‘When you squeeze your passion and spirit into a metaphorical prison, you will suffer from internal tension and pain, like migraines, chronic fatigue, and allergies,’ she says. ‘I had migraines for years, as well as eating disorders, from ignoring how I was feeling. If we could all tune in and ask “What’s my body calling for?” then it wouldn’t come out in the form of illness, depression or anxiety.’

Imi, an only child, grew up in Hong Kong with her parents, who had fulltime jobs in big industries. She spent her youth burying her feelings, and her bisexuality, in order to ‘fit in’.

‘So much tension we feel is between being yourself, fully yourself, and belonging. How can we be both? It’s an issue for all of us, but particularly those who are highly sensitive.’

Perhaps her unique character paved the way for her varied CV: she trained as an art therapist, a social worker and a suicide counsellor, and has lived in Australia, Taiwan and the United States.

These days, Imi is happily settled in the UK and has built up an international psychotherapy practice. She is also determined to protect her fellow HSPs from the tangled net of the mental health system.

‘My theory is that many of those diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, ADHD and depression are actually emotionally sensitive, intense and gifted,’ she says. ‘I’m not diminishing the benefit of a medical diagnosis – it leads people to the right treatment. But when we medicalise sadness, we medicalise a lot of our emotions.

‘If we’re always happy and jolly we suppress things which are human and lose a lot of our vitality.’

If Imi’s theory is correct, such traits – or flaws, to some – could in fact make her not an anxious obsessive, but rather a force to be reckoned with. ‘I suspect that if you look at leaders across the world in many industries, most will have been misfits in their younger years,’ she says. ‘This phrase came to me the other day: from misfits to leaders.’ Emotional Sensitivity And Intensity: How To Manage Emotions As A Sensitive Person, by Imi Lo, is published by Teach Yourself, priced £12.99. Offer price £10.39 (20 per cent discount until March 4). Order at mailshop. co.uk/books or call 0844 571 0640; p&p free on orders over £15.