OK, I’m not perfect but I’ve never lost the kids!

BIG news: I have survived a week in which my wife was in New York on business and I was home alone with three teenagers. Big deal, you say, women do that all the time. But it’s different for men. We are judged more harshly. At least I am.

Interestingly, it’s my children who are the most dubious. My elder daughter Martha – faced with me being in charge for a few days when she was aged ten or so – exclaimed to her mother: ‘Daddy mustn’t use the oven – he’ll burn us!’

What a nerve. But she has a point. A male friend tells the story of persuading his wife to go on a girls’ holiday, leaving him to look after their toddler twins.

They got to the airport and kissed goodbye at the queue for security. He turned and pushed the double buggy towards the lift, whereupon one twin sprang out and hopped into the lift just as the doors closed. My friend had lost a child within seconds of his wife departing. He had to rush back to the queue and pull her out, and she had to find the child. I imagine their second goodbye kiss was a little cooler.

There should be a special category for dads like my friend – and me – who are

DADDY MUST NOT USE THE OVEN – HE’LL BURN US, SAID MY ELDEST DAUGHTER

often at home and very keen to be, but not exactly in the full professional sense.

I heard Clara describe me once as a ‘stay at home dad’ before adding: ‘But he has a full-time job too!’ I was fit to burst with pride. So many roles! Multi-tasking! Wait till I tell my wife Sarah! That was a mistake. ‘Darling, stay-at-home dads do things,’ she said. ‘They are busy in the home. You are just at home. It’s different.’

She has a point. When our children were young and I was the BBC’s North America Editor, I was often a stay-away dad, travelling all over the US and the world. Now it is true that I am at home much more – my Today programme day ends at 9am – but in that weird half world where I am neither a stay-at-home parent in the proper sense, nor a fully out-at-the-office parent either.

The twins are 18 next month. In my speech at their party, I intend to point out proudly that I never burned them or lost them in a lift. Fatherhood sorted. Justin’s column appears monthly.