QUOTES of the week

‘The Brits are calling it the Beast From The East. The Finns are calling it Wednesday.’ Twitter user Gertjan Filarski is not impressed by our reaction to the recent bad weather. ‘This centre is currently closed due to the weather conditions.’ Notice posted outside… the Chatham Ski and Snowboard Centre. ‘It’s like giving up a three-course meal for the promise of a packet of crisps.’ Former top Whitehall mandarin Martin Donnelly ridicules claims that Britain can make a clean break from the EU without damaging the economy. ‘Posh women are paid a hell of lot more than me.’ BBC presenter Steph McGovern claims her North East of England accent has held her back. ‘Dickens’s A Tale Of Two Cities was first serialised in two local newspapers. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.’ TV star Richard Osman tweets a clever reworking of the opening lines of the classic novel. ‘I’m used to hearing some moans on the doorstep but this was something else.’ Theresa May reveals that she walked in on an amorous couple while on the Election campaign trail last year. ‘It’s time for the snip – you can’t be a father at that age. Those poor children.’ Keith Richards castigates his Rolling Stones band-mate Mick Jagger for becoming a father at 73. ‘Robert Peston, BBC.’ ITV’S political editor forgets where he works as he asks the Prime Minister a question after her Brexit speech. ‘Was that real dinosaur poop in your hand?’ Jurassic Park star Laura Dern reveals the question she is asked most often by fans.