QUOTES of the week

‘Rule #1 as the new Foreign Sec: when reflecting in English with the Chinese on a conversation you had in Japanese about your Chinese wife, don’t get any of those mixed up.’ Tweet from Jeremy Hunt after mistakenly telling his Chinese hosts that his wife Lucia is Japanese.

‘New rule. “Hi guys!” NEVER say this. Unless you are the guest speaker at the annual meeting of The Society Of People Named Guys.’ Jane Garvey of Woman’s Hour tweets her dislike of the informal, gender-neutral greeting.

‘There is a programme on Radio 4 that has not lost listeners… World At One. Just saying…’ Former Today host Sarah Montague, after the show sheds 800,000 listeners. She quit in a pay row and now works on the lunchtime show.

‘Maybe my purpose on this planet isn’t to procreate’ Jennifer Aniston left, says it’s unfair that women who don’t have children are often classed as damaged goods.

‘The visitor deployed his own sprinkler system.’ Southend Borough Council describes – delicately – how visitor Thomas Watson extinguished a fire on the pier by urinating on it.

‘He flies the flag for Christopher Robin chic.’ Tatler magazine puts Prince George in its best-dressed list of 2018.

‘Knowledge is knowing a tomato is fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.’ Incisive comedian Peter Kay at his very best.

Vegan: ‘I have been fully Kevin Keegan for years.’ Former England manager’s appearance in a new dictionary of rhyming slang.

‘People in long, happy marriages tell fibs, like, “Yes, it’s been marvellous” whereas I say, “Sometimes it’s been awful.”’ Actress Emma Thompson, left, on ‘marital bliss’.