QUOTES of the week

‘It was a normal life… Every now and then there were bombs and stuff. But other than that…’

Teenage jihadi bride Shamima Begum describes life in the one-time IS stronghold of Raqqa.

‘Don’t use that as an insult. There’s nothing wrong with being gay.’

England cricket captain Joe Root hits back at West Indies bowler Shannon Gabriel, who taunted him by asking: ‘Do you like boys?’

‘It’s the one with the doppelganger, your honour.’

Prosecutor Joe Allman uses a Friends joke in the case of theft suspect Abdulah Husseini, a dead ringer for David Schwimmer, who played Ross in the show.

‘It was just me with no make-up at all. It was a bit of a cruel thing to read.’

Keeley Hawes, who was described as wearing special ageing make-up for her role, above, as a dowdy civil servant in Traitors.

‘Don’t behave like you’re on a stag do. If you’re a male in a male-heavy case, don’t ask the female counsel to fetch your coffee.’

Barrister Joanna Hardy with one of her tips to men to help women survive in the law profession.

‘I patted him on the head and said, “Why didn’t you catch it?”’

Former England footballer Alan Mullery recalls his quip to goalkeeper Gordon Banks after his ‘save of the century’ at the 1970 World Cup. Banks died last week aged 81.

‘Shopkeepers. When selling booze, say to your customers “It’s Friday, it’s 5 to 5…” and if they reply “And it’s Crackerjack”, you don’t have to check their ID.’

Viz comic joke as the BBC announces the show is making a comeback.

‘I’m like Elizabeth Taylor but without the diamonds.’

Newsreader Jan Leeming laments the failure of her five marriages.