Why everyone’s talking about... Beavers

Beavers: the semi-aquatic dam-building rodent?

What else? The Government is deciding whether to follow Scotland and reintroduce them to parts of England to help protect homes from flooding. Let’s hope they qualify under Priti Patel’s points-based immigration system.

So they can do skilled jobs?

As well as dams, they provide fur and meat, and secrete castoreum oil.

Which is?

Vanilla-flavoured – and used in foods such as ice cream and even booze. Swedes love a schnapps called Bäverhojt (‘beaver shout’) and Americans enjoy a bourbon, Eau De Musc, flavoured with it.

Yum!

Sort of. As Jamie Oliver has pointed out: ‘It comes from rendered beaver anal gland… so next time you put [ice cream] in your mouth, think of anal gland.’

Let’s move quickly on…

A more fragrant thought: perfumiers have long treasured castoreum for its leathery aromas ‘ripe with the animalic notes of yesteryear’. It’s one of the ingredients of Yves Saint Laurent’s Opium and 1970s favourite Yatagan Caron, whose smell is said to ‘invoke a sabre-wielding Ottoman horseman as he bursts in from the cold steppe’.

As opposed to the naughty steppe?

Many historical figures wore beaver fur. Beaver hats were mentioned in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and Henry VIII wore one – but the pelt has fallen out of favour. The Ministry of Defence even caved in to animal rights activists and stopped using beaver fur in the ceremonial busbies of the Royal Horse Artillery’s King’s Troop.

Why use beaver fur at all?

It’s soft yet resilient, and easily moulded into various shapes. Indeed the style you wore was once an indicator of status. But the fur proved so popular that beavers were hunted to extinction. Aside from recent reintroductions in Devon, the last known sighting in England was in 1789 when a bounty was paid for a beaver head.

Do beavers have distinguishing features?

Transparent third eyelids, which act like swimming goggles to help them remain underwater for 15 minutes at a time. Plus a special grooming paw on their back foot as they spend almost 20 per cent of their time grooming – like Love Island contestants.

And we can eat them?

Sure. It’s a rich red meat that works well in a curry.

Which would be like a normal curry, but a little otter…

Groan. They are not, of course, otters. But they were once classified as fish by the Catholic Church because they swim.

I’ll be damned!

Just like the rivers.