QUOTES of the week

‘If I understand the Rule of Six correctly, it is illegal for seven children to feed ducks but legal for 30 men to shoot ducks.’

Barrie Bain, of Wadhurst, East Sussex, questions the Government’s policy, in a letter to the FT.

‘The next time a man with Covid symptoms drives from London to Durham, it’ll probably be to get a Covid test.’

Labour’s Angela Rayner alludes to the Dominic Cummings affair as she mocks the Government’s testing strategy.

‘We have asked them to stop being floppy… if they could just behave like sensible adults.’

Sir Steve House, Met Deputy Commissioner, fed up with Extinction Rebellion protesters who go limp when arrested.

‘Police have urged the public to be vigilant amid reports that cougars have escaped from a zoo.’

Vicki Reeves jokes on social media after the appointment of ‘hot priest’ Matt Davis to her church on Merseyside – ‘cougars’ refers to older women attracted to younger men.

‘Like a nightmare where I’m having breakfast with my 16-year-old daughter and her friends but I’m invisible and my mouth has been stitched up with fishing line.’

Comedian Simon Evans is exasperated by Twitter and its latest bout of outrage against J.K. Rowling – and says so on Twitter.

‘Even the crying doesn’t annoy us – it’s music to our ears.’

Chris Gard after the birth of son Ollie – Chris and partner Connie lost their first-born son Charlie to a rare condition amid an extraordinary legal battle.

‘News channels… can we stop asking morons on the street what they think about things?’

Jeremy Clarkson urges broadcasters to stop the surge of vox-pops.

‘Tea is on the table.’

Text message from wife of Merseyside PC John Byrne, which prompted him to put on his blue lights, hit 80mph in a 40mph zone and smash into a BMW. He has now been hit by a year-long road ban.