Jo Elvin’s Notebook
Let me dish the dirt on why women do the chores
WOMEN do 70 minutes more housework a day than men, read the headline. Yeah, in other shock news, today is Sunday.
But I do wonder if the burden on women is bigger, in part, because there are chores that we actively ban our other halves from attempting. There is only so much dripping wet cashmere slung on top of a radiator that a woman can grieve. Hence why my husband (to his great delight) is forbidden from ever doing a load of laundry.
For me, the years of extra labour have been worth it. A sort of gift to my own mental health. Even so, my resolve is tested on a daily basis by our differing approaches to stacking the dishwasher. In fact, many times I have wondered aloud if ‘makes it look like a baboon has stacked the dishwasher’ is grounds for divorce.
In a less publicised – but no less scientific – survey, my teenage daughter recently polled all her classmates and female teachers and found that every single one of them confirms the dad in their house will oft be heard shouting: ‘There is ALWAYS more room in the dishwasher!’
It does seem to be a uniquely male belief (driven I’m sure by the goal to never, ever have to manually wash so much as a teaspoon) that dishwashers are some sort of magical Tardis-like invention.
Honestly, I could weep when I open ours and find it crammed to bursting: saucepans stacked inside each other, mugs lying on their side and full of gross grey water, pan handles standing straight up and jamming the washing blades so that they haven’t moved during the entire wash and – my numberone pet hate – not grouping same cutleries together.
And while my husband would happily fold the car in there for a wash if he could, you can’t find him for dust when the thing needs emptying. Which leaves me to declutter it. And wash all the things that are still dirty because it was too full.
Why do women do most of the housework? Because it’s far less traumatic than being ‘helped’.
Sussex Squad is spoiling for a f ight
AS THE host of Palace Confidential, the Mail’s weekly news programme about the Royal Family (you’ll find it on the Mail Digital Edition for mobile and tablet devices), I’ve been subjected to some quite epic trolling on social media – and it’s almost exclusively from the mob we know as The Sussex Squad. These are the internet cheerleaders for Harry and Meghan who have assigned an almost God-like status to the Californiabased Royals and won’t tolerate the faintest hint of criticism about either of them.
The Sussex Squad likes to indulge in a sport I call ‘Offence Fracking’: the deep, deep mining for something – anything! – to jump on and be angry about. Last week, their ship really came in when they found the most spurious of reasons to vent murderous fury at enemy number one, Prince William.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge met volunteers at the Ukrainian Culture Centre in London, who were filling lorries with aid to support the humanitarian relief efforts.
Speaking to the volunteers, William said: ‘For our generation it’s very alien to see this in Europe.’ Initially, some social-media reports claimed William had also made a comment along the lines of ‘We’re more used to seeing this in Africa or Asia’. But it turned out he said no such thing – the proof coming later in the day, when a video from the event was widely circulated online.
But there’s no fun in that for the Offence Frackers. So Twitter’s Sussex Squad wasted no time in screeching about ‘racist’ William, egged on, of course, by Harry and Meghan’s most famous cheerleader, Omid Scobie, writer of the Finding Freedom biography of the couple.
Even if William actually had said the line about Africa and Asia, it would have been outstanding work to take a tiny, throwaway comment and contort it until they found a reason to be angry (the textbook definition of Offence Fracking). But then Meghan and Harry’s ‘squad’ really do all seem the type who could start a brawl in an empty room.
Bobby’s not dazzled by Mike’s wonky tie
A PERSONAL appeal to BBC sports presenter Mike Bushell. Mike, I don’t know you, and as I care not one jot about sport, I’m not familiar with your work. I have no doubt you report on it splendidly.
However, a very good friend of mine has taken to texting me – relentlessly – because apparently your tie is always crooked. On television, Mike. The BBC, no less.
My friend – let’s call him Robert, because that is his name – is 64, an avid watcher of your sports coverage and, unfortunately for you, a stickler for sartorial excellence. In fact, he is such a natty dresser that he is listed in my phone – and almost everyone else’s I know – as Bobby Dazzler.
Left to my own devices, I don’t think I’d have ever noticed this supposedly appalling fashion crime. But I have to admit, Mike, Bobby Dazzler has now compiled quite the bulky dossier of evidence to support his claim that you seemingly never manage to wear it neatly.
And he has sent all this evidence to me, in the form of endless textmessage screenshots.
I’ll be honest, what started as something that was simply working Bobby Dazzler’s last nerve has by proxy become something that’s also driving me insane. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
I know the BBC must be mindful of not wasting any of our public money, but… could someone nearby help you out with this on the way to the set?
I would suggest you just cut your losses and do away with it, but I think if Bobby sees a tie-free neck on the BBC we really will have to break out the smelling salts.
The bag carrying too many bad vibes
YOU can’t move these days for ‘empowering’ slogans. You can wear your intention to ‘Choose Love’ or ‘Be Kind’ on your T-shirt, while even your morning mug of tea can assure you ‘You’ve Got This’. I still don’t know what ‘This’ is, but I’m over 50 so I’m probably not supposed to ask.
Millennials in particular seem to like a positive affirmation, like the young woman I saw in the street last week carrying a big canvas shopping bag emblazoned with the words ‘F**k Your Bad Vibes’.
Ironically, it was the only thing that day that really did give me bad vibes.