RELATIONSHIPS
Columnist and trained counsellor FIONA CAINE offers her perspective on family dramas, emotional issues and dysfunctional relationships Sue Donkin has lost more than three stones after looking to make a ‘positive change’. RACHEL LAWTON reports...
NOT everyone sticks to their New Year’s Resolution. But Sue Donkin has – and has now lost more than three stone. Sue, from Longton, decided to change her eating habits in January and joined her local Slimming World group.
The 64-year-old had started to develop arthritis in her knees and hated the way she looked in the mirror.
She knew she wanted to do something to improve both her physical and mental health.
Sue, who works for discount retailer B&M, went along to her local group with her partner, Kevin, and she has lost 3st 3lbs since January.
Kevin has also had an impressive loss of 2st 10lbs.
Sue said: “I just thought to myself, I’ve got to do it. At the time I had weddings coming up and I just didn’t like what I saw in the mirror at all.
“I was getting arthritis in my knees and my physio told me that my weight wasn’t helping. I wanted to make a positive change for myself and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.”
Sue thinks having supportive loved ones – and group members – really makes all the difference when trying to reach your goals.
She continued: “Doing Slimming World with Kevin has been brilliant. He does most of the cooking too which is a bonus! It is good to have someone else doing it with you as you really do need support.
It’s a lot harder when you are on your own.
“The support we get from our group is brilliant too. Zoe and all of the ladies are always there for you if you need them.
“Even during lockdown, they were always there in our Zoom sessions, so it felt like you still had that part of your routine. We all just bounce off each other and share ideas.
“I worked throughout lockdown so it didn’t feel too different for me, but I was
THE PROBLEM
“My husband and I have always led rather separate lives, but while we’ve been forced physically closer together in recent months, we’ve actually drifted still so glad of the online sessions.
“I know that I needed that support for myself – if I had given up or stopped weighing myself during that time, I would have regretted it.”
One of Sue’s favourite healthy dishes is Shanghai chicken and she loves bulking out her meals with ‘speed food’ – fruit and veg that Slimming World encourages members to eat to boost their weight loss.
Sue said: “We cook a lot from scratch and I have honestly never eaten so well. One of our favorite cookbooks is the Take 5 book. It is full of step by step recipes that only need five ingredients.
“The journey has been hard at some points, which is normal, but I am never hungry as I always fill up on speed food, and I know that I can use my syns if I want a treat.
“I’m a chocoholic, so I save my syns for a treat in the evening. I will have something like a bag of French fries and a hifi bar or a skinny whip bar, for my chocolate fix.
“Nothing is off further apart. We’ve been married for more than 40 years and while they’ve mostly been happy, we’ve had our ups and downs. He loves his TV and watches it endlessly, but 90 per cent of what he watches, I find boring, so I go into another room and read a book. If I do want to watch something, he won’t watch it with me and gets up and goes elsewhere. He’s put on weight so is snoring more, which has driven me out of our bedroom into the spare room, so I can get some sleep. We don’t discuss things anymore because politically we’re polar opposites, so it just leads to rows. All in all, I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any hope for our relationship.” limits with Slimming World. If you want something, you can have it in moderation, and that makes it a lot easier to follow.”
In her retail job, Sue is constantly on her feet. This is something that she used to struggle with, but now she embraces it as part of her exercise routine.
She said: “Before I lost the weight I used to crawl up the stairs. If someone did a call for me, it would take me so long to walk out to them and I’d really feel the pain in my knees.
“Now it’s totally different, and Kevin and I love going on walks whenever we can. There’s so much around us in our local area – I’ve never seen so many lovely things! We love walking along the canal and the railway, and there’s lots of different gardens too.”
Sue would recommend the plan to anyone, but says that you have to want to embark on the journey for yourself.
She continued: “I feel so much better in myself now. I am so much happier and I have really noticed the benefits to my legs.
“I can fit into my old clothes again, it feels like the old me is back, and that’s one of the best things of the whole journey. I have so much more confidence now and my self-esteem is so much higher.
“There’s a lot of perseverance and dedication involved in Slimming World. The support you get is amazing, but you have to want to do it. Just go for it.”
You can get more information and find your local Slimming World group online at www. slimmingworld.co.uk.
nAll relationships become stale – if you don’t put in a bit of an effort to keep things fresh. Of course, some relationships do come to a natural end and perhaps you would be happier separating – only you know how you really feel. But after 40 years together, you have a lot to lose if you give up without a fight. You say you don’t discuss things, but it sounds as if you don’t talk at all. That needs to change. You say you and your husband lead separate lives, but you’ve lived 40 of them together and that’s a lot of shared experience you could build on. In spite of your ups and downs you’ve come this far, so there’s got to be a glue of some kind, holding you together. Let’s start with the basics – if he’s watching TV, couldn’t you at least stay in the same room with your book? Put some headphones on and listen to some music or an audio book, but at least be in the same room together? You say you don’t discuss things anymore because you disagree on things, but a good debate can be healthy. One thing that might be worth talking about is diet – if he’s put on weight, he’s probably not happy about it, so you could (sensitively!) suggest some healthy changes to what you eat. This could be a fun activity for you to explore together – trying new healthy recipes, etc. Possibly suggest a regular daily walk together too, which would help him to get fitter and may even improve his breathing and help with the snoring. Importantly, it’s quality time together