DOGS IN BLANKETS

The secret dreams of sleeping pets

ALFIE, PUG, 3 YEARS

How do I look? Ready for my close-up? I’ve heard they’re casting for a new Beeb adaptation of Mansfield Park. It includes the role I was born to play – Pug! But who do you think will play my mistress, Lady Bertram? Not that it matters that much anyway – surely all eyes will be on me, rather than my mistress. Come to think of it, I’m far more interesting than old sad sack Fanny Price too… I need to ring up this Austen woman – suggest a rewrite or two…