The Simple Things

How Scandi are you? Our highly scientific quiz can tell you

Here at The Simple Things we are big fans of all things Scandinavi­an, from their simple but healthy lunches to their stunning scenery, stylish design, fascinatin­g culture and indomitabl­e sass. But how Scandi are you? Pretty sure you know your hytte from y

- Illustrati­on: ANNELIESE KLOS Words: IONA BOWER

Getting to know you

What’s your name? A Anne B Agnetha C Agnethasdo­ttir D Mind your own business. We Scandis don’t owe you a spelling lesson every time we introduce ourselves

Work and play

It’s snowed! What are you going to tell your boss when you call in claiming your snow day?

A Can barely get out the front door. Reckon we’ve had six inches here. I’ll see you next week. By the way, what was that Scandi drama you liked on BBC Four? Just wondering…

B I’m on my way. Will probably be late. Get the biscuit tin out, the huskies will be starving!

C There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes. This is the perfect opportunit­y to get out my garish taped-seam Norrona Lofoten Gore-Tex onesie

D What snow? Is it still snowing? I hadn’t noticed

What’s your ideal holiday destinatio­n? A

Soaking up some rays somewhere really hot. Maybe the Canaries B A cool city break: lots to do, lots to see and lots to eat C Somewhere peaceful. I usually hit my hytte for Easter with family and close friends. It’s great hygge D Soaking up some rays somewhere really hot. Maybe southern Sweden

Culture

What’s your desert island Scandi book? A Um… I’m a Jeffrey Archer fan generally… But I enjoyed Mamma Mia. Is there a book of that?

B Pippi Longstocki­ng. How can you beat a book about a girl who can lift up a horse?

C Definitely a Jo Nesbo. Can’t beat curling up with Harry Hole and a bag of salted liquorice

D Desert island, you say? Why I won’t be reading anything. I will have fashioned most of the books I was allowed into a small hut and will be reforming the pages of the remaining books back into rustic logs to burn. Sitting around navel-gazing is not how we raiders and traders survived!

What do you go to Ikea for?

A The free childcare. I leave them in Småland and go and have a coffee in peace B The tealights and Daim bars. Isn’t that what everyone goes for?

C The Billy bookcases. There’s no storage like them. And the meatballs, of course

D All my furniture. Apart from the stuff that’s visible, which I get over the road in Ilva. But I usually head back to Ikea afterwards for a hotdog (at least that’s one bargain after Ilva have fleeced me for my life savings)

What’s your typical night out with friends?

A Pub, food, bar, club, possibly a kebab on the way home

B A nice restaurant with my closest friends, catching up on good times

C Something active – maybe a good walk or an activity getting some fresh air, then home for warming drinks

D Staying at home! A little good food, a couple of drinks and a lot of hygge – we can’t afford to drink in the bars round here anyway

Food and drink

How often do you fika? A How dare you? I thought The Simple Things was a quality magazine B After lunch C With coffee D With coffee twice a day. And more often if there’s more coffee on offer. And cinnamon buns. But just one, mind. Don’t want to ruin all the good work I did cycling here

What’s your favourite sandwich?

A Bacon. With Ketchup. Heinz B Some lean meat on soda bread with a glass of wine C Smoked salmon with pickles

D Cheese. With lingonberr­y jam on top. Yes, jam on top! And for heaven’s sakes don’t ruin it with more bread on top of that. Maybe a hard-boiled egg on the side, if you must

Strictly Scandi

What is lagom? A Is it the surname of that woman with the jumpers in The Killing? B A lake in northern Norway C The art of living a cosy life D Goldilocks-style frugality. Not too much, not too little. Just enough What are Northern, Southern, Skolt, Inari and Lule? A Ingmar Bergman’s cats B The members of ABBA C Ikea armchairs D The five languages spoken by the Sami people in Lapland

How would you frighten away a troll?

A Apply Immac to its feet B Show it moonlight C Put it in a Dreamworks franchise D Ring church bells

And finally…

This has been so lovely. Would you like to come round on Saturday for some fermented herring and smoked sheep’s head? A Sorry, I’m busy B Sorry, I’m busy C Sorry, I’m busy D I’d love to! I’ll bring the salted liquorice!

 ??  ?? * For the pedants among us, please note there is liberal use of mixed languages in this quiz; hygge is Danish, hytte is Norwegian, for example. Also Scandi for the purposes of the above refers to the whole region. Ready to have some fun now?
* For the pedants among us, please note there is liberal use of mixed languages in this quiz; hygge is Danish, hytte is Norwegian, for example. Also Scandi for the purposes of the above refers to the whole region. Ready to have some fun now?
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