Everybody needs good neighbours, not £3m shoes

neighbourhood nightmares (itv)

It’s true what they say, you can choose your friends, but not your family – or your neighbours.

And I can’t imagine anything worse than settling into the home of your dreams – then realising there’s a nasty surprise waiting in the wings.

Whether it’s a nosey Norris with constantly twitching curtains or a party animal who throws a noisy knees-up every weekend, I’d imagine most of us have a neighbour who behaves a bit badly.

In my case, it’s wee Vera, who wouldn’t hesitate to start a rumour you’ve copped it if you’re a few minutes late getting the bins out.

But the neighbours on this programme make the shenanigans on our street look tame.

There was the guy who relentlessly riles his neighbours, then films them and uploads the videos online. And there was the homeowners who woke up to find their neighbour had built an unsightly block of flats at the bottom of their garden.

Others are blighted by antisocial louts and – while not strictly speaking “residents” – a cricket club found a herd of boar ripping up their pitch.

But perhaps the worst were the poor souls living next to a stinking slaughter house. Ugh!

Love thy neighbour can’t be a phrase on their wavelength. And, after this viewing, I’ll take wee Vera any day.

eamonn & ruth: how the other half lives (channel 5)

The This Morning couple left the sofa and took to the streets of the Big Apple to mix with the mega rich.

They looked a bit out of place as Eamonn salivated over a £750 sundae and checked out a pair of £3million training shoes.

So I was glad when they admitted they’d need to “win the lottery, the Euro Millions and then some” to afford this lavish lifestyle. Made me feel not so poor after all!