Great talk, but who’s listening?

NEIL KINNOCK once made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. This was no mean feat on his part because I was convinced at the time that he was a bit of a numpty.

It was during the 1992 General Election campaign and I’d been sent to Edinburgh to cover a speech the Labour leader was making to rally his Scottish troops. (Yes, my wee ones, once upon a time Scottish people voted Labour . . .)

Kinnock was thought to have a good chance of toppling the Tories, led by John Major. Personally I thought the choice between a Welsh windbag and a man who merged into the wallpaper was less appealing than the one between BBC1 and ITV on a Saturday night.

Still, the hall was packed and the great man walked up to the podium to enthusiastic cheers. I prepared to be unimpressed.

I can’t remember what he spoke about. But like another icon of a bygone era, Frank Carson, it was the way he told them.

It’s called oratory and not many people can do it these days. There’s not much call for it, to be honest, with most politics consisting of lovely chats in TV studios.

But Kinnock was darned good at

I’m inspired . . . but only to wonder why they bother

it. About two thirds of the way through I felt my nape prickling. Hang on, I thought – I’m feeling inspired.

By the time he’d finished and brought the house down, I would have given it serious consideration if he’d asked me to follow him into Poland. At least, until I’d had a cup of tea and thought about it.

And that’s the problem. The speech enthralled a few hundred people for half an hour. But once the fireworks had fizzled out we were left to analyse the bare words. Labour lost the election.

So as the Conservatives pack up their matching leather luggage after their conference and the SNP prepare to unpack their sporrans for theirs, I’m inspired again – but this time to wonder why they bother.

Aren’t the party conference and the platform speech just an expensive way of preaching to the converted? Even if you can do it well, like Kinnock, it won’t help if nobody outside wants what you’re selling.

And if you can’t do it well, like just about everybody else, nobody knows what you’re selling because they’re playing Candy Crush.