Meat-free fivers? Fat chance

MAKE no bones about it, and I’m not talking mince!

Like stampeding cattle, more than 100,000 shocked vegan veggies, Muslims and Sikhs have signed a petition demanding the Bank of England changes its recipe for its new plastic fivers, so that they don’t contain tallow, which is animal fat.

Moo’ve over please, I wonder how many of them wear leather shoes, gloves, hats or jackets?

Surely wearing their skins is a lot more “disrespectful” to animals than a tiny bit of tallow being used in a fiver?

Instead of agreeing to ditch these ingredients I reckon the Bank of England should instead add in some delicious meat scents and flavourings. Ahhh . . . Bisto! A scent of steak bake? Musings of Big Macs? Whiff of kebab? Burst of back bacon? Fragrance of fillets? Eau de square sausage? Honk of haggis? Nosegay of lamb and a cologne of chicken curry.

Then my pockets would smell the same as the inside of my car!