Running helps me exhale the grief and inhale the love for my late mum
Now I’ve learned to appreciate life
A DAUGHTER who lost her “intelligent, caring, brilliant” mum to earlyonset dementia just two months ago has spoken of the devastation the family has gone through.
Michelle McKee lost mum Caroline on November 9, just 20 days before her 60th birthday, after a 12-year battle with the illness.
Mum-of-two Michelle, from Paisley, has bravely decided to tell her family’s story so soon after their loss as a call to action for Alzheimer Scotland’s annual New Year campaign, Challenge Dementia, which launches today.
“My mum had a passion for music, travel, family, her career and life in general,” said Michelle, part of the cabin crew at Glasgow Airport.
“She excelled at school and won the Dux Medal and then joined the Army at 18 to become a translator in Germany.
“After marrying my dad, she left the Army in her mid-20s to have me and my brother, but when we were of school age she moved into teaching before becoming manager of an estate agency.
“She thrived there, working with targets in a high-pressure environment.”
But her life changed with the devastating news she had dementia at just 47.
“Looking back now, Mum had been showing signs of earlyonset dementia long before diagnosis,” Michelle continued. “A long period of time being wrongly diagnosed was both distressing and frustrating for everyone involved.
“We weren’t prepared for what was to follow and I often think how frightened she must have been, coping with the unknown on a daily basis.” The impact of the illness hit hard on a special day for the family and laid bare the effect dementia was having on Caroline. “It was my birthday as well as my brother Steven’s and my husband Andrew’s, so it was always a huge day for celebration,” recalled Michelle, mum to six-year-old Charlie and Harry, 3.
“I was hoping for a nice birthday message or even an invite for dinner but when Mum called it was to ask if she had taken her medication.
“She had no idea of the significance of the day.
“My heart broke but I didn’t remind her as I knew she would be so much more distressed than me if she realised she’d forgotten.”
Michelle attended weekly classes run by Alzheimer Scotland to help her understand the illness better and, in turn, help her mum.
She also began running, an outlet she calls her saviour for channelling the anger, sadness and host of other emotions she encountered.
Caroline passed away in November, the 12-year battle ending with an eightday bedside vigil.
“I said goodbye to my beautiful mum on November 9th although, if truth be told, I had said goodbye to her a thousand times over throughout the years,” Michelle admitted.
At her funeral, all of the family wore the new Alzheimer Scotland tartan.
Now Michelle will pull on her running shoes once more after being named the charity’s campaign champion runner in a bid to inspire fundraisers to don the Alzheimer Scotland vest and get sporty for dementia in 2017.
“I began competing in races to raise funds, the most recent being the Edinburgh Marathon.
“The support was incredible. Those wearing the Alzheimer Scotland logo were like a family and the feeling I had that day was like no other.
“But I was sad to see how few runners there were for Alzheimer Scotland.”
Michelle, already signed up for the Stirling and London Marathons this year, dreams of seeing a sea of Alzheimer Scotland T-shirts at future events, helping to increase awareness and funds.
Running also continues to help her cope with the loss.
“I used to run for me, but now I run for my mum and everyone who has been affected by this illness, no matter how small.
“I exhale the grief and inhale the love I have for her. “My anger ends and an appreciation of life begins.
“When I’m lethargic I imagine Mum giving my back a gentle push and when I have no motivation, I hear her whisper encouraging words.
“I’ve never regretted a run, so I ask others to give it a try.
“You’ll surprise yourself and experience a sense of achievement that is indescribable.”
For more, go to alzscot.org/ challengedementia or email events@alzscot.org