Free travel - you’ll think me for it!

I WAS pooh-poohed by a doctor the other night. I was quite disappointed, as I’d already been pooh-poohed by my wife and I’d been hoping a second opinion might back up my position rather than reinforcing the pooh-pooh.

The thing is, I have this idea that could revolutionise transport, ending our reliance on the infernal combustion engine, making our towns and cities safer and more pleasant, and saving the planet, while avoiding any need to pander to those infernal cyclists demanding more space than they deserve.

It goes like this. Our bodies all contain electricity – that’s what those signals the brain sends are made of. Yes, I know, for years I believed it was the Numskulls carrying little notes, too.

In fact, I’ve heard it said – by very reputable internet correspondents – that the average human sitting on his backside produces 100 watts and that our brains could charge an iPhone in 70 hours.

But why stop at phones? All scientists need to do – and I don’t know what else they’re doing, apart from looking for more food that’s bad for us – is to find a way to boost our self-made electricity.

The average human sitting on his backside produces 100 watts

Get it up to a level that would allow us to turn it into a mode of propulsion and we could basically think our way down the road to the shops.

Just imagine – you attach the booster to your belt. It, in turn, is linked to a transformer on the other side of your belt. Switch on and your body’s electricity is turned into a force field bubble around you (It would hum like a Star Wars light sabre. Cool, eh?).

Press “go” and the bubble rolls down the road with you inside, protected from the elements, elevated inches above the ground.

Arrive, switch off and go about your business with no parking, no fumes and no road tax. You’d probably still need insurance, though, because some people’s thinking isn’t that safe, especially those boy-thinkers.

Anyway, my wife laughed like a drain and the doctor chuckled knowingly and went on about watts and amps at great length. But I don’t care.

They laughed at Marconi. They laughed at Captain Kirk. Now we’re all listening to the radio in warp drive.

Or is that just me?