Life is busy. I want to get home to watch the latest MasterChef

I HAD a phone call this week. It was from the 1950s. They wanted us to start using their customs a bit more.

“Get dressed up when you go out for a meal,” they whispered. “Like in the good old days. Make going out special again. Wear a skirt. A nice pair of stilettos. We don’t want to see you in trainers.” Oh, for goodness’ sake. I can’t remember the last time I put on my glad rags to go out for a meal.

Look, if I go out, I want stretchy-waistband trousers to accommodate my ever-growing stomach. I need to be able to relax in flat shoes and trousers that are one step up from old tracksuit bottoms (and it might not be long before they become my trousers of choice).

The thought of putting on a dress, heels and a ton of slap is way too much effort.

Maybe it’s something to do with the fact I have three kids.

When they were actual children, I never found eating out with them relaxing.

Eventful, yes. Busy, indeed. Call me a failed parent but you know those little brats you see that have ants in their pants in restaurants and can’t sit still?

Em, guilty as charged. That was me. Not my kids. They could be noisy, but never particularly restless or badly-behaved.

But I was always thinking of the million things I had to do.

The next out-of-school club for them to go to. The present I had to buy for that party one or the other was going to.

The sheer mountain of formfilling-gym-kit-finding-readingpractice-bathtime-chaos I had to contend with was never far from my mind. There was just too much to get on with. I think I’ve never really got over it. Even though my youngest is not so young any more.

I love the idea of going out for a lingering three-course meal.

But part of the problem is that too much food leaves me feeling a bit ‘blah’. I need to go home and have a sleep after so many dishes. I know that three indulgent courses won’t help me lose my baby weight, either. (And yes, my youngest is 18 – don’t judge me, OK?)

While my kids have long grown out of needing me to run them here, there and everywhere, life is still so busy.

For starters, I need to get home and watch the latest episode of MasterChef – I especially love it when contestants are sent into busy restaurants to work.

While going out for a meal just isn’t the treat it once was, I love nothing more than sprawling on the couch watching the latest foodie programme.

And give me a bag of crisps over three courses any day.