Email silence is golden – but not for long

“NOPE, still nothing.” It was the umpteenth time I’d said that to myself in the past two hours.

It was becoming like a mindless chant, stating the blindingly obvious without actually providing any information or explanation. Like, say – oh, I don’t know – “Strong and stable” or “For the many not the few”.

But since I had no explanation or, literally, no information, what else could I do?

I’d switched my laptop on, logged in to my emails and . . . nothing. No new emails since the afternoon before.

This was unusual. Normally there are at least half a dozen every morning – occasionally from people I actually know, inviting me out to lunch or demanding money with menaces.

But mostly from the likes of the BBC trying to entice me with free tickets to a “sparkling” new comedy show, or holiday companies I’m not sure I could trust to get me to my back garden offering me “exclusive” deals.

Admittedly I had recently, in a fit of grump, unsubscribed from a few. But not that many, surely.

And it is true that my internet provider has been tinkering with

Had the rest of the world unsubscribed from me?

its email regularly, resulting in a service that’s as fast and reliable as a one-legged octogenarian butler.

But nothing at all? Had the rest of the world unsubscribed from me?

Not that I care. Email and the entire internet with all its social media stupidity are just irritants that we normal people are unfortunately forced to deal with.

Anyone with any intelligence prefers to live in the real world with flesh and blood people whose expressions you can see when you talk to them.

And yet . . .Why was nobody talking to me? Not even inquiring whether I might have PPI? Was it something I emailed?

Obviously not. I’m nice. So there was nothing else for it but to stiffen the sinews and phone the helpline (after first switching off and on again – I’m not an amateur, you know).

At which point one of those holiday firms dropped in with a great offer on a Turkish hotel that wasn’t at all affected by the loss of trade due to the nearby jihad.

And it was safe for me to sneer again, happy that I hadn’t been left out.