I’m fall­ing for a man at work

Look­ing for prac­ti­cal ad­vice, re­la­tion­ship help or emo­tional sup­port? As a mum-of-four, grand­mother-of-eight and dear friend to many, Mar­garet’s years of ex­pe­ri­ence make her the ideal per­son to turn to with your wor­ries

The Sunday Post (Dundee) - - News - Mag­gie lis­tens

Dear Mag­gie

I am 54 and my hus­band is 53. Our chil­dren are in their 20s and have left home. I work in an of­fice and feel in­creas­ingly at­tracted to a man I work with. He’s slightly older than my hus­band but he’s ev­ery­thing my hus­band isn’t – funny, chatty and charm­ing.

He’s still liv­ing life to the full, too, with nights out, hol­i­days and new ex­pe­ri­ences. My hus­band comes home from work and falls asleep af­ter tea. If I sug­gest go­ing out for a meal or to see a film, he can’t be both­ered.

I was and am a good mum. I gave up a lot for my kids and have no re­grets. But I feel this is my time and part of me wants to take things fur­ther with this man. I think he feels the same way.

Mag­gie says

There are many women who ex­pe­ri­ence the same emo­tions in midlife. The fam­ily are raised and some­times you look at the man you’ve shared a large part of your life with – as he sits there slumped in front of the TV – and you won­der, is this it?

Then you go into work and some­one who has a lot of en­ergy and wit ac­tu­ally no­tices you and makes you laugh.

You start to feel like a woman again. The at­ten­tion is sub­tle and flat­ter­ing. It’s heady stuff. But des­per­ately dan­ger­ous.

Ev­ery­thing you and your hus­band have worked for to­gether could be lost if you re­spond to your col­league. How well do you re­ally know him? Can you trust him? What would your hus­band’s re­ac­tion be if he found out?

By all means en­joy the good work­ing re­la­tion­ship you have with your col­league. The French flirt at work and both sexes feel hap­pier be­cause of it. But the French are prag­matic, too, so keep a cool head.

If he asks you out for lunch, why not ac­cept? Men and women can en­joy a good friend­ship with­out it lead­ing to ro­mance. Lis­ten to how he chats about his wife and fam­ily. Get to know him slowly.

At the same time I sug­gest you switch off the TV one night at home and talk hon­estly with your hus­band. Sug­gest you have a “date night” once a week – a meal, a film, a walk in the park.

Ex­plain to him that now the fam­ily are off your hands, you want a bit more out of life.

Bring home some hol­i­day brochures and ask him where he’d like to go.

You’ve brought up a fam­ily, you have time now to get to know each other again. Don’t set­tle for a bor­ing mid­dle age. But don’t cut your col­league out of the pic­ture. Be proud of your­self that an in­ter­est­ing man en­joys your com­pany.

A ma­ture friend­ship be­tween a man and a woman is pos­si­ble and life en­rich­ing. But pay at­ten­tion to your own emo­tions at all times – don’t let things go fur­ther than you want.

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