I think my daughter’s husband is having an affair... and I want to talk to him about it. Should I?

In the last two years I have become suspicious of my son-in-law and his behaviour. He is constantly on his phone, saying he has to work late and always seems distracted and snappy.

You might think I am being interfering or paranoid but I have a gut feeling about it. I know something is not right with the marriage. I used to get on quite well with him but I am finding it harder and harder to see him in the same way I used to.

I strongly suspect he is seeing someone behind my girl’s back.

She has complained to me that he is distant but I think she probably doesn’t want to start a row by bringing it up.

This is a very tricky situation and you need to handle it with great delicacy.

Clearly you are very concerned for your daughter’s marriage and a mother’s instinct is always worth respecting but I suggest you say nothing about this to her for the moment. If she is suspicious about her husband’s behaviour wait until she talks to you about her anxieties.

What would you gain by raising your doubts about her husband?

If he is not having an affair, then you are putting your relationship with your son-in-law on a very perilous footing. It could end up with him never trusting you again – and just think how difficult that would be for you, your daughter and her husband in the years ahead?

There is always the chance that he is just tired, stressed or having problems at work which he doesn’t want to talk about. If he is having an affair however, your daughter is going to need all your love and understanding – and by the tone of your letter, I know you will be there for in every way. She will need your emotional support and perhaps your practical help too.

Discovering that the person you have loved, trusted and married has betrayed you is a hurt beyond all telling. Perhaps your daughter is trying desperately hard not to face up to her own doubts and fears. I suggest you let her take her time to come to terms with her own feelings about the change in the way her husband is acting towards her.

They alone can face the truth of their marriage. No matter what is going on between them, it would be wiser for you to listen rather than wading in with your own opinions.

I know that mums always want to “fix” things quickly for their children no matter what age they are. I’m guilty of that myself but I’ve learned that standing back (hard though it is) often is the better way.

I hope that in the end your fears are unfounded and that your daughter and her husband are able to be honest with each other, work through their problems and find happiness in their marriage again.

Stay strong – your daughter needs you and always will but for now discretion is the best option.