And strangers
I went from being in kinship care with my granny, who adopted my brother, to being in foster care.
When we did see each other it was so sporadic that we didn’t really get to know each other. We didn’t get that opportunity.
You’re maybe talking about us seeing each other twice a year. It would be most of the day on Boxing Day and there would maybe be one day in the summer. That’s not enough for a growing child.
The best picture I have of us is when I was five-years-old at the Wallace Monument and that’s only because my social worker had prearranged to take us out for the day. I think that’s one of the longest times I’ve spent in my brother’s company.
It has had a huge impact on how we’ve been able to bond. In terms of family relations, it has strained things quite a lot.
He is now a father of three beautiful girls. I’ve met one of them. I have these nieces I haven’t had the chance to bond with because contact was never encouraged. I hope to meet them all today.
I do feel as though we have both missed out. We have both had our challenges.
I remember asking regularly whether I could go to see my brother or whether we could go swimming or whatever and I was always told ‘yeah we’ll get round to it’.
I think not seeing him played a big part in how I was coping. I selfharmed a lot. Had I had my brother there, he’s the kind of guy that would have said:‘What are you doing? Come and talk to me and we will deal with this together.’
I think the problem with the care system is they rip siblings apart so often that they don’t realise the importance of these relationships.
The thing I hold close to me is that he says he’s proud of me.
For any child, more so for children in care, having someone to tell you that, words can’t express how important that is.