They make their wives feel bad about how they look to save a few pounds. It’s awful but it’s not about the cash, it’s a lot worse than that
I’mnot saying they’re Harvey Weinstein but what is it with men going clothes shopping with their wives?
I’ve seen a lot of them. I’ve worked in women’s fashion for 26 years, in Glasgow now Edinburgh, in shops for young women now shops for older women.
And, for all those years, a lot of the men coming in with their wives and girlfriends make me want to scream in anger, frustration and disbelief.
Not all of them. Most of them are lovely, just normal guys. They hang about, on their phones, or carrying bags, looking a bit bored, and trying to disappear into the background.
They clearly would rather be anywhere else in the world than a women’s clothes shop but will do what needs to be done to get in and out as quickly as possible.
They don’t get involved when their partners are choosing stuff and trying it on and, if asked what they think, they’ll be nice, a bit non-committal and try to say what they think she wants to hear.
If she seems to like it, they will say they like it but ultimately, even if they don’t, they make clear that it’s her decision. If she wants it, they tell her, buy it.
Sometimes, she’ll pay for her stuff, sometimes he will but usually he just seems happy if she’s happy.
Then, there are the other ones. You can spot them a mile off.
They come into the shop ahead of their wives, as if they are shopping for their own clothes. Their whole demeanour, everything they do and everything they say, suggests they are there to stop the “little lady” doing something stupid, spending too much, buying the wrong thing or getting conned by silver-tongued sales assistants.
You never miss them in the shop, these men. They stand right by their wife’s shoulder as she flicks through the rails, shaking their head, or making a face or looking at her incredulously when she holds something up. Sometimes they won’t even trust her to do that and go through the stuff themselves while she has to stand waiting to be shown what she wants.
He’ll check the price of stuff first then hold out skirts and jumpers or whatever, that he thinks she should try on. Then, when they come out of the changing room, he’s right there telling her exactly what he thinks, exactly how it doesn’t suit her, exactly how much weight she would need to lose before wearing it, and on and on.
Sometimes, he’s right but you would never say it. Or at least nice guys wouldn’t.
Other times, you just know he’s checked the price and is trying to put her off, deliberately trying to knock her confidence to save a few pounds. It’s horrible to watch. You just want to give him a shake. And her.
Personally, I wouldn’t trust most of them to buy a pint of milk and if my husband ever treated me like that or talked to me with such disdain, he’d be wearing the clothes rail himself.
But it’s not really about the money or whether his partner suits something or not, it’s a control thing.
These men obviously take every decision in their relationship and, for whatever reason, their partners let them.
I wouldn’t want to draw a lot of conclusions on what I’ve seen in the shops where I’ve worked but it’s shocking to see and you see it all the time.
The look on the women’s faces, an expression of resigned complicity, sometimes of embarrassment, makes you wonder if this is what happens in public, what on earth is he like at home?
During the worst of it, I’ve seen the look on these women’s faces and it’s emotional abuse. And any kind of abuse is on the spectrum of bullying and harassment that ends up with physical violence. It’s a shade of grey.
It’s incredible – and hard – to watch sometimes. You want to tell the women to get a grip but their partners? Well, it’s hard to hold your tongue sometimes.
But you don’t. You just smile and serve them, these condescending bullies, buying the clothes they have decided their wives should wear.
You smile but, inside, you really, really hope that sometime soon she’ll start buying and wearing whatever she wants so that soon she’ll buy buying a whole new wardrobe. For a whole new man.