Life is joyless. The kids have left home and I miss my dear sister. How do I get my spark back?
Dear Maggie
I am in my sixties and my children have all left home. My sister died two years ago after a short illness and although I love her, miss her and think about her every day I do feel I properly grieved for her.
I have a loving family and friends but somehow my life feels flat. When I hear about other people’s lives and the things they and their families do, it sounds so much more interesting and happy than my life.
I don’t think I am depressed. I just feel as if there is little joy in my life.
I have tried talking to my husband about this but he doesn’t really understand.
Maggie says
Don’t be hard on yourself – what you’re feeling is not uncommon. Everyone has times when they feel life is a bit empty. You’ve brought up your children and they’re getting on with their lives.
But it’s time for you to decide what will make you happy and fulfilled. Don’t think that being in your sixties makes you old – look around at all the feisty women of a similar age enjoying life to the max.
There is so much to savour. Join an evening class and learn something new.
If you like the fresh air, there are walking groups which go for weekly rambles. Contact friends with whom you may have lost touch and suggest meeting for lunch.
What about doing some voluntary work? Choose something which interests you and you’ll meet new people and hopefully feel you are doing something worthwhile.
It sounds as if your husband is unable or unwilling to understand how you feel emotionally. Realise that you are in charge of your life, your time and how you spend it.
Your had a close bond with your sister and it’s understandable that you miss that. Try opening up to your children and to your friends. Arrange times to be together, be positive and cheerful and tell them about your new activities. People warm to someone who is enthusiastic.
This is your time now – use it to make you happy. Plan little treats. Save up for a holiday. Take a train or bus to another town and explore it. Learn something new.
Ring the changes in your weekly routine. Life is for living and this is your time. Don’t let it drift aimlessly. Start with a small project and build on it. Make a decision, act on it and bring some positive energy into your life. Good luck!
Dear Maggie
A new boss has started at my work. She has different ways of doing things and seems to trust only one or two people in the team so the rest of us are not always clear on what we should be doing.
This is her first manager’s job and she has an unfortunate manner when dealing with people so we don’t like to ask too many questions.
It is hard to take orders from someone younger than my daughter. I get the feeling she thinks I’m a dinosaur but that’s not the case. I have tried to show her I am capable and willing to help.
Maggie says
Good for you for trying to be helpful and supportive to your new boss. It sounds as if she’s a bit insecure at tackling the challenges of her managerial job.
She’s obviously put her trust in a couple of people on the team – but I suggest you just carry on doing your job and giving it your best. In time she’ll come round to appreciating your abilities and your loyalty.
If you need to ask questions, do so. Stop thinking of yourself as a dinosaur. You have maturity and experience – and these are valuable commodities in the workplace.
In time when she gains confidence in her new role, you may well find that both of you work together very well. I do hope so.