How can I make things right between my partner and sister, two women I love so dearly?

Dear Maggie

I have been courting a lady for the past two years and could not be happier.

My whole family like her, but my oldest sister, who sees herself as the head of the family, has had a few spats with me as my partner will not do as my sister wants.

There have been various examples of my sister being upset because things haven’t gone as she wanted, from gifts given to non-family members to days away which the wider family weren’t included in, or invitations we’ve declined.

I’m used to this but my partner finds it hard to put up with as she has a very demanding job and helps look after her elderly father. She was widowed years ago and was alone until we started courting so she’s well used to managing by herself.

She’s capable and hardworking but isn’t a people person and keeps herself to herself.

Recently, things came to a head and my sister said she wants nothing more to do with my partner.

My partner just shrugged her shoulders and said it was her loss and she hasn’t the time to pander to every whim. She hasn’t mentioned it since.

It’s my 65th birthday soon and we’ve organised a big family gathering.

My sister is, of course, welcome, but she’s refusing to come along. I really want my family there for my special night but I don’t know what to do or say to persuade her. Maggie says

You are facing a very difficult situation.

Your sister is a controlling person who has always been able to get her own way within the family situation by stating what she wants to happen.

The fact is, your partner does not need or want to accept this and I can understand why.

Yes, you are caught between your sister and your girlfriend, but it is time for your sister to stop pulling the strings.

You need to be strong and calm and end this control.

Do what you want to do and end this controlling behaviour.

Tell your sister you have decided on a course of action and are going to see it through.

Hopefully, she will understand that her days of ruling the roost are over.

Do it kindly and gently if you can and explain that you have valued her help and advice over the years, but it is now time for you to make your own decisions.

I’m sure she will accept this and your relationship will not be damaged.

Yes, the situation over your birthday next month is a tricky one but if your sister doesn’t want to attend, just let it go and enjoy the day.

Show your partner that you are supporting her – this will be important to her and hopefully over time the situation will resolve itself and the three of you will come to have a calm, loving and supportive relationship. I do hope so.

Dear Maggie

I travelled home from a Burns supper by taxi, but I found the driver quite inquisitive and annoying.

I’m not sure if he was just trying to be friendly, but he kept asking what I was wearing under my kilt, almost laughing while talking.

However when I jokingly told him it was a secret, he just kept going on about it.

I found his behaviour unacceptable and asked to be dropped off a bit from my home so he didn’t see where I lived.

I am considering reporting him to his boss or the council or even the police. What do you think?

Maggie says

Yes, I think you should phone the taxi company and say you felt uncomfortable with the way the driver spoke to you.

He may not have meant anything by it and his comments may have been intended as banter, but if it made you feel uncomfortable, that is not acceptable.

I wouldn’t go as far as reporting him to the police – perhaps a gentle but firm comment to the taxi company will help him to understand what the boundaries are with customers.